Friday, April 22, 2016

Twenty Dollars Worth of Shame

So, I heard the other day that they are going to put Harriett Tubman on the twenty dollar bill, which seems on the surface to be a pretty good trade:

A gun-toting Republican Black Woman in place of a White, racist, democRat slaveholder.

But then I found out a disturbing fact: Harriet Tubman was a NARCOLEPTIC!

Now, I don't even know what that is, but I'm fairly certain it's not something we want our children emulating.

DO WE REALLY WANT A COUNTRY FULL OF YOUNG NARCOLEPTICS?

Try again, democRats.

NO NARCOLEPTICS ON OUR MONEY!

Sunday, April 17, 2016

Rome Berns

Apologies for my lack of contributions in recent months. I’ve been slowly working on a short animated feature that, when eventually posted, will go viral and make me a million bucks have most sensible people chortling with glee, and TV scientists and politicians either wickedly inspired or calling for my head. I’ve just completed a sort of Easter egg that will be part of the decor within the brief video. The inset feature stands on its own, but it’s on double secret probation until the entire thing is finished. Until then, I will only share the link privately if you ask nicely and pinky swear not to reveal to your friends the perfunctory, rather predictable ending. I’ll presume upon Keln to forward any email requests to me.

At one point during the last week of July, a puff of privileged white smoke will rise from the chimney of the embodiment of socialist doctrine, the Wells Fargo Center in Philadelphia. That ashen wisp will signify either the definitive nomination of a Democratic presidential contender, or the immolation of one last hard drive filled with classified correspondence.

A post on Bernie Sanders’ Facebook page seems to suggest a tacit endorsement from none other than the Pontifex Maximus himself.

“Well, kid, Uncle Bernie's gonna fix dat for ya, see...”

Mr. Sanders just got back from visiting Rome in an attempt to woo voters there and gain the Vatican’s coveted 23 electoral votes. Actually, he’d been invited there to a conference called “The Urgency of a Moral Economy,” at which he denounced the abuses of capitalism, saying, “At a time when so few have so much and so many have so little, we should reject the foundations of this contemporary economy as immoral and unsustainable.”

Saturday, April 2, 2016

To the Cruz Supporters


 I have no idea what he is doing in this picture


I understand your position. I used to support Cruz. I know that the only thing you can do is attack Trump, because frankly, Cruz is indefensible. So much of what he has done as a matter of public (not private, public) record is at odds with who he sells himself to be. It's impossible to defend.
Attacking Trump on peripheral issues misses the point of what Trump is running for and why so many middle class support him. Trump is absolutely a single issue candidate. His issue is the degradation of America. His policies all point to reversing that through two ways: enhancing national security and economic security.

Frankly, he doesn't concern himself much with abortion or healthcare. If it doesn't have much to do with the economy or national security, he just doesn't care, and most of us don't care either. Abortion is a fight for another day. So is health care. First and foremost, we must stop the flood of illegal immigration. That is a national and economic security issue. We must also get away from the idea of "free trade" and renegotiate for fair trade deals.

Friday, March 25, 2016

A Song for Good Friday

Since everybody is in full Easter mode by this time, or at least just finishing up with preparations, I thought I would provide a little music appropriate to the time.

I don't know if anybody has any Good Friday traditions, other than getting off school, or maybe watching Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ from a few years back, but I am partial to Jesus Christ Superstar, from the seventies, even though it looks a little hippiesque, nowadays. It still rocks.

In that light, here's Gethsemane, Christ's prayer in the garden, from the movie version.

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

How It's Done

Yes, it's that time of year, again. The temperatures are slowly rising, basketball is running mad and, most importantly, my wedding anniversary is here again.

I've already told the story here, so I'm not going to repeat that. I've also noted that, two years ago, If someone had told me I would be celebrating this anniversary, I would have said that they were crazy. But then, we had our Christmas Miracle, and our fortunes turned around. And I DO believe there was divine intervention.

So, that brings us to this year, which has been pretty good between us. We didn't ignore our anniversary, we didn't note it or mention it, we are actually CELEBRATING it this year. I never thought that would happen again..

In fact, both have us have realized that we are stronger now, together, than we were before, which is, frankly, another miracle. 

Tonight will be a family thing at the Japanese steakhouse with the kids, but Saturday was at a bar at the bowling alley, for karaoke. And no, I don't drink anymore, and didn't drink on Saturday night. I wanted to reenact the night I asked her to marry me. Since the date fell this year on the same day of the week they did 22 years ago, it worked out well.

I would have invited all of you, but I know the logistics would have been crazy, and not only would it not have been possible, who really wants to go celebrate an anniversary with someone they don't even really know and have likely never even met, right?

So, in lieu of a giant NP get-together, I had a (very poor quality) video taken of the important part of the night, which I will share here. You can't really see everything very well, because the lighting was poor for video, I messed up the lyrics and went a bit flat on the last verse, and I honestly hadn't informed Katie that there would be a quiz involved.

So, without further delay:

By the way, the correct answer to "Any Regrets?" is "Maybe Garfield."

Our marriage appears to have become a joke that only we are in on.

Later that night, we sang another of our songs together, "Paradise by the Dashboard Light," which was fun.

The last song I sang for her that night was one of the ones that has been going through our heads an awful lot, recently, even though it's more than 25 years old. She thinks it's "sexy," and heaven forbid I should disabuse her of that notion. I didn't record my version, but I'll share the original. Keep in mind that twenty-two years of marriage to me have proven that she is a masochist with amazing endurance, then try to guess which line is her favorite.

(Mild content warning: Women in sexy outfits no more revealing than the average one-piece bathing suit,)



P.S. I got to see Alice Cooper last summer, for the first time. One of the most entertaining shows I've ever seen. Highly recommended, especially if you're a fan of classic horror movies. Plus,despite the stories, he is reputed to be one the nicest guys in rock n roll. He's a born-again Christian, married for 40 years (to the same woman), and a recovering alcoholic who is rumored to be the guy people in metal go to when they need help for themselves or for their bandmates.

In today's world, I think that's someone worth supporting, and a story worth celebrating.

Friday, March 18, 2016

Hillary Clinton

Arrf Arrf  Arrf!
Oh my, what is there to say about Hillary Clinton? A lot actually. I mean, there is probably a low chance she will win any higher office than president of her prison cell block, but you never know. The machinations of the political elite are pretty desperate to install a corrupt president.

Without too much elaboration, I can say that I have dealt extensively with the "stuff" that has her in trouble with the FBI, and I am pretty sure I speak for all of us who have done so, past and present, that what she did would land any normal person in jail for a very long time. But hey, she is a member of the political elite. The law does not apply to her, right?

Thursday, March 17, 2016

Trump Then and Now

I've heard a lot of things about how Trump "used to say one thing and now says another". Then I someone linked to this very interesting video showing that he's actually been saying the same things since the early 1980s. Even though he isn't a "true" politician, like any politician it's just about impossible to know if they mean what they say and say what they mean. But, like I said, this video is pretty interesting, showing very old interviews and such. I didn't make it, but I will still apologize for the music. It's a little annoying. Also, the very last part is his announcement speech at Trump Tower (added most likely for contrast). If you've already heard it and his many speeches this year, you can skip all that pretty much.

Anyway, here it is:


Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Super Tuesday II Analysis by Karl Rove

Everyone mostly won except Trump
 
(We have a guest writer here, Karl Rove, fresh from his meeting on a private island with a bunch of tech business liberals on how to stop Donald Trump to analyze the results of tonight's Super Tuesday II. Or III. Or whatever it is called)
 
This was an interesting night for Republican politics. It is clear that since Donald Trump did not win more than 50% of every state, and even lost Ohio, that his campaign is absolutely over. He should step down. 

Amazingly, Marco Rubio decided to suspend his campaign even though he took over 20% of the vote in Florida. It just boggles the mind why he would do that. Clearly Rubio was on a path to victory with that huge almost win. Trump is the one who should be stepping down! If you add all of the votes of the other three candidates together, they clearly beat Trump by a few points in most states. 

I have a couple proposals on how to stop Trump that I presented to such bastions of the conservative movement like Tim Cook and Elon Musk and emailed to Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerberg at their request. Because stopping Trump is really what the 2016 election is about, not your pathetic concerns as little citizens. 

My first proposal is to physically combine Cruz, Kasich, and Rubio into a mutant Crukasubio candidate. Surely that will combine all of the votes to beat Trump. Right?

My other proposal is for someone to really hurt Trump at one of his rallies. Probably physically. Maybe even pull his hair off. Whichever to prevent him from being able to run for president. 

So those are ways. But even without those, if Kasich wins 101% of the vote from now on, or Ted Cruz comes up with better lies that aren't obviously lies, we can get to the convention with a broken candidate, er I mean brokered candidate. I suggest me. I would make a great president. I could be the campaign cowboy president. Has a nice ring to it. I would wear a cowboy hat and everything.

Even though Trump has technically won most of the states in this nomination, the voters were clearly drunk or something, so his delegates shouldn't even be counted. So tonight was really a big win for Crukasubio.

Crukasubio 2016!

Saturday, February 27, 2016

We The People

WE, not THEY
 
I have been attacked incessantly for days on the Twitter by my fellow right-leaning, conservative type bloggers, journos, and whatnot. Because I went ahead and endorsed Trump. It was mostly tongue-in-cheek originally, but I talked myself in to over the last couple weeks and I am sincerely supporting Trump now.
With the full knowledge that Trump will probably be an ineffectual president. I've said as much many times. I know it, you know it, anyone intelligent knows it. But the reasoning here has nothing to do with Trump's merits and everything to do with the other candidates' failings. 

Once upon a time, a group of middle-aged men, sweating half to death in an age without air conditioning, framed a document that would go on to produce the greatest nation on Earth. Ever. They had this idea in their heads, and maybe they were simple idealists, that We the People would henceforth declare and decide our own self-interests.

Monday, February 22, 2016

Modern Liberalism in One Handy-Dandy Video

You can substitute just about anything liberals champion for the food and produce in this video, and it will still be completely accurate. Note, though please: Two s-bombs in the middle of the video. Still funny, though.




(h/t AoSHQ)


Thursday, February 18, 2016

Link of the Day

Jeb! Bush has, to me, demonstrated his competence to be President with the website located at JebBush.com.

Go ahead, follow the link, I double dog dare you!

Update: Even better: TedCruzForAmerica.com

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Spring is Here!

I don't care what anyone says. I don't care that there are six new inches of snow on  the ground. I don't care what that overgrown rat in Punxsutawney says.

Spring is HERE.

My beloved Tribe's pitchers and catchers report for training in Goodyear, Arizona today. That means Spring Training is in session, and baseball is on the way. Opening day is not far off, and that is all this guy can reasonably ask at this point.

And speaking of Punxsutawney Phil, we were having the mildest winter in recent memory until that stupid rodent popped his head out of the ground and predicted an "early spring." Then the temperatures fell, the snow started coming and it's been rather miserable ever since.

Friggin' Phil.

Anyway, to celebrate this joyous occasion, I offer you this small song about the coming of spring, and one of the many wonderful activities the coming of spring affords us all.

It Seems Like Only Yesterday


Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Lady America's On the Rebound

I hear America's pretty done with her current "leader." I understand that feeling. Sometimes a partnership just doesn't work out, and splitting up is the only option. Yeah. I hear you. sister.

You and I have a lot in common.

The whole idea of being with someone else is frightening. We have been damaged. We have been misunderstood and mistreated. We long for a leader that can make us whole...make us great again.

When I considered the idea of choosing a new partner, I was wary. I wasn't sure I knew what I wanted. I knew what I didn't want, though. I was certain I didn't want what I had had.

Things I knew I didn't want:

Immaturity




Lack of Intelligence


Brash unkindness



Selfishness


Of all of the qualities I wanted to avoid, SELFISHNESS was the worst. Someone who is selfish canoot be trusted. He will seek his own interest in spite of the longterm consequences or who it may hurt. I knew for sure I didn't want that AGAIN.

And yet, for some reason I can't comprehend, my beloved country is dating THIS MAN:

Sunday, January 24, 2016

Tomorrow Is the End of the World!!!!

Ten years ago tomorrow, Al Gore went to Sundance and for the premiere of his comedy, An Inconvenient Truth, and told the assembled gullible fools audience members that within ten years, the climate should have warmed to "planetary emergency levels.

Now, I know it's been a fairly mild winter, so far (knock on wood), but I can't see that the entire planet is going to warm to a crisis level in the next twenty-four hour, so color me unconvinced. 

Of course, we all know what climate change is REALLY about: It's a way for fraudsters and racists like Al Gore to get rich by skimming the top off what they force everyone else to pay to African dictators to force their subjects to live in huts under Stone Age conditions.

Al Gore is a despicable human being who would be ashamed of himself if he had any capacity whatsoever for self-analysis and introspection. 

Wow did we dodge a bullet in 2000. Thank God the Supreme Court actual got one right.

And frankly, does any non-liberal believe this garbage anymore? We've seen the idea that 97% of "scientists" believe in climate change. Maybe they meant "scientologists." Frankly, as far as climate change is concerned, it's hard to tell the difference between scientists and scientologists, anymore.

So, in honor of the Climate Holocaust that wasn't, I suggest we party, not like it's 1999, but rather like Tomorrow is the End of the World!

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Where kids of all ages can fly!

Brief note:  Happy birthday to my mom, who turned 80 this past weekend!

We took her to our local indoor sky-diving place, "iFly", and she had a blast! It was her first time, and she did great!




Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Music Time: Mark Gagliardi: Let God Do the Rest

All right, not specifically political, not funny at all, not really a religious song,but I wanted to share this with you.

I know you're probably wondering who this "Mark Gagliardi" guy is. Maybe even did a Google search and came up with some actor that didn't seem to be a musician. Well, that's not the Mark that sings this song. The Mark that sings this song is my cousin, and he's been making music for years.

This song, as he says, started out as a protest song  and ended up a tribute to fathers. In particular, he had his dad in mind as he wrote it. The video itself is just a collection of family photos, centered around his father, my Uncle John, who was one of the finest men you could ever have hoped to meet. He left the world last July, and it's my firm and unshakable belief that he is in a far better place than this, even Paradise.

The woman with him is my Aunt Doris, and they were married for more than sixty years. The party in the video at which they are dancing was their 60th anniversary party, and I have to believe they were as much in love then as the day they married. I believe that that love still endures.

 My prayer for those of you reading this is that you should find a love so strong and lasting that it carries you to eternity.

I cant seem to get the embed to work but here is a link to the video.

Anyway, enjoy the song.

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

A Further Case For Trump

♪ America! Trump Yeah! ♪
 
I told you all several days ago I was gonna be working overtime campaigning for Donald Trump, even though I have nothing to do with his campaign and frankly don't like him. I've never even really watched The Apprentice. But I gave my arguments for why I am doing it, and here I am doing it. 
 
Actually I had better things to do today, but that State of the Union brought all this up in my mind again. President Obama said basically that America is already great and everything is wonderful and we should ignore people saying we need to return to some kind of greatness.

Does anyone really believe that? I mean, if you look at the US today, can you really, honestly, truly say that we are the greatest we've ever been?