Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Nuke the Punchline - We're Gonna Need Bigger Guns

Despite the hectic schedule necessitated by his "medium distance relationship", Harvey at IMAO is *still* writing awesome straight lines. MY HERO! He'll post another amazing one today. In the mean time, the increasingly capricious Anonymiss has decided to shock everybody by actually judging one.

President Obama Plans to Ban Bullets and Replace Them with…

Substantial Disagreement with Reality

President Obama has a “substantial disagreement” with Israel about how to prevent Iran from developing nuclear weapons.

Take it from an expert on the Middle East and militant Islamic relations.

Sunday, March 1, 2015

And We Have Better Taste in Earrings

After granting final interviews to virtually every news outlet but Inspire and the Socialist Worker, outgoing Attorney General Eric Holder has declined to take any questions from the most watched cable news network in the country.

I haven’t watched any appreciable amount of television in the past few years, but, submitted for your approval, I’ve come up with a new slogan for the network that some on the left may want to keep in mind.

Or Perhaps a Jindal

Monday, February 23, 2015

Better to Remain Silent and Be Thought a Fool

By the Power of #HASHTAG!!

Looks like ISIS is slowly hacking and slashing (also burning) their way through the Middle East and Northern Africa, so it's time for everybody's favorite Nobel Peace Prize Laureate to fo something to bring light to the world.

Yep, it's time for more hashtags for peace. With a few sternly worded tweets, I bet we can finally have that world peace we've been longing for.

To quote the famous philosopher Bullwinkle J. Moose: "This time for SURE!!"

Having come into unauthorized possession of the first photos from this historic occurrence, I feel duty bound to share them with you.

Let's start right at the top, with the Anointed One using the power of the Bully Pulpit.
Certainly THIS will change hearts and minds

Friday, February 20, 2015

Guest Post: The Invasion Will Be at Normandy

 New York Times-February 19th, 1944

(A parody of Obama’s announced plan to attack ISIL at Mosel.)

Yesterday, Dwight D. Eisenhower, supreme commander of the Western Allied Forces announced at a press conference that the assault on the ‘Atlantic Wall’ would be made at Normandy.  When asked why Normandy instead of Calais, which is closer to England, Ike flashed his famous grin and replied “We looked at a lot of options including Calais.  But the fact is, the German have been expecting an attack there and it is much more heavily defended.  After considering all of the factors, we’ve decided that Normandy is best.”

Saturday, February 14, 2015

So Much To Cave On, So Little Time

Boehner caves on the debt ceiling....I remember when they at least made a pretense of representative government.  Good times...good times...

It's like Obamacare for Your Interwebs

If you like your silly cat videos...

[reference link]

We Lost a Great Woman Yesterday

After a long and successful life, my Grandma passed away early yesterday morning. A woman whose unconditional love and faith in Christ established an equally loving and faithful family. In a day and age where so many families know only bitterness and strife, my Grandma taught her children well by example, as she did her grandchildren, and their children.

The past few years had been unkind to her, as only advanced age can be, but when the time came she was ready. Lord, she was ready. Like a culmination of her life's work in God's hands, as she lay on her deathbed, some of her grandchildren began to sing "It Is Well With My Soul".

I did my best to sing with them, but I couldn't get the words out most of the time as I saw her gaze fixed upon us, struggling for life's last moments. It was the most beautiful and the most sad thing I've ever heard. I can't know what she was thinking, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was "Jesus, I am ready."

Her real lesson in life, as I saw it, was acceptance and unconditional love. If she was ever judgmental of others, I never saw it. A lot of us Christians read about, hear about, and believe in the unconditional love of Christ. But few of us, including myself, really put that to practice very well. It's so easy to come up with conditions.

I'll love you, if you love me back. I'll love you if you live your life a certain way. I'll love you, if you believe as I do. I'll love you if you meet certain conditions. Not so my grandma. She'd love you because.

And now she is in Heaven, with Christ, who loves all because.

Thursday, February 12, 2015

Guest Post: Why Redistribution Didn’t Work

Here is the second in a series by Scandacelt, my former junior high and high school teacher from back near the dawn of time. Enjoy!


When Barack Obama ran for president in 2008, one of his major stated purposes was to help the poor and the middle class.  He was more aggressive in his advocacy for class warfare than any presidential candidate we had heard in the past 50 years. 

Now a lot of what Obama said doesn’t appear to have been very sincere.  He talked a lot about being bipartisan but he hasn’t been bipartisan.  You can argue that he took Republican ideas and put them in Obamacare but if so there weren’t enough Republican ideas or he might have gotten a Republican vote or two. 

But on the subject of redistribution, I think Obama was sincere.  It fits his larger left wing agenda.  What he wanted to do was to take from the rich and give to the poor.

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Guest Post: The Economy

I'd like to introduce a guest poster who goes by the nom de guerre "Scandacelt".
It would be an understatement to say we go back a LONG way. In fact, I'm honored to say he's the "Coach" I spoke of in my article "I had a lot of help" from two years ago. Back when he was my 8th-grade teacher he was kind enough to not call the police SWAT team on me when I arguably gave him reason to, and now that I'm over 50, that must make him... appallingly YOUNG, actually!

Gosh, Coach- uh, sorry, Scandacelt, you must've been a freakin' KID yourself back in those days!  Well, anyways, Nukers, he's the best teacher I've ever had, and the first Economics teacher to have to put up with me, so I am excited to share some of his articles with you, starting with this one on "The Economy".


I recently saw a post on Facebook boasting about the great economic statistic that unemployment was only 5.9%.  The person who posted the blurb added their own personal comment that this was a good reason to support President Obama.  

Monday, February 9, 2015

Strategic Patience Explained

So. We finally got to hear Obama's brand new foreign policy strategy. You know, the one that's supposed to replace Don't Do Stupid [Stuff] (DDSS). Turns out it's Strategic Patience, which in practical terms translates into something like DDASAA (Don't Do Any Stuff At All). This would be a marked improvement over what the current strategy appears to be, which is ATSWDISS (All The Stuff We Do Is Stupid Stuff).

In theory, Strategic Patience works like this: Obama will sit on his throne in Washington and watch over all the world, sort of like God, observing everything that's going on in the world, and allowing things to develop according to the free will of the actors involved. On occasion, he might give a nudge or a push where action is needed to ensure the plan goes as desired.

But, we don't live in a world of theory, we live in a world of flesh and blood and life and death and violence. And we call this world "Reality."

Saturday, February 7, 2015


Hilarity ensued recently on twitter, as many decided to help Brian Williams' memory about the amazing things he has done in the past.

Naturally, I felt the need to join in. Here are a few of my very own. Feel free to add yours!

Thursday, February 5, 2015

Next on War Stories with Brian “The Fog” Williams

The Fog Of... what were we talking about?

Is it possible we're giving Brian Williams too hard a time for "misremembering" the time he wasn't shot down in a helicopter?  I mean, think about it - it was over a dozen years ago, right? And the helicopter he WAS on landed only about an hour behind the one which was shot down... I mean he was practically right on top of them, nearly taking fire...

A Chinook helicopter has a top speed of about just under 200 miles per hour (170 knots, or 196 mph) and a normal cruising speed of about 150 mph (130 knots). That's FAST! You can get, like, anywhere in practically no time at all at those speeds!

Look here:

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

An Unjust War

Because Conservatives are by nature generally kind, caring, generous, and thoughtful, most of us cringe when we hear someone supposedly on "our side" yell that we should "throw all the Muslims out of our country!", and we glance around, embarrassingly hoping that proximity alone won't get us associated with such an uncouth redneck.  Why? Because most Muslims, at least here in America, are innocent of those activities the rest of us think about whenever we hear the word "Muslims", so throwing them out strikes us as being unjust.

And we're right. It would be unjust.

So we don't act. And we're no safer.

But hold up...

Monday, February 2, 2015

Bring Me the Head of Al Gore!

Yesterday, I had little run-in with global warming and I'm feeling a bit cranky.

For the first time in nearly five years, I had to shovel myself out of my driveway. It's not that it hasn't snowed enough to be shoveled, it's that I'm lazy and don't WANT to have to shovel. I will drive my car up and down the driveway to pack the snow down, so as to avoid the need to shovel. As long as I can get in and out of the drive, that's enough for me.

 But yesterday, while I was out walking my dumb dog (she LIKES the snow!?! Must be her husky heritage...), my neighbor returned from work and couldn't get her car into her driveway, so when I saw her, I put Dummy in the house and grabbed my shovel. Between the two of us, it only took fifteen minutes, maybe, but that, frankly, was fifteen minutes more snow shoveling that I would have liked to have done this year. It's almost enough to make me wish I'd bought myself a snow blower.

It certainly wasn't the sort of plowing I had intended to do on Super Bowl Sunday.

Chris Kyle Day

Today, February 2nd is Chris Kyle Day.  Texas Governor Greg Abbott set aside the day in honor of Chris Kyle, a Navy Seal who holds the record for the most confirmed kills in American history.  This is a fitting tribute to a true American warrior.  Chris would no doubt be humbled by this, because, like any true warrior, he believed in his mission, and never sought credit or attention for himself.  After serving 4 tours in Iraq he lost his life, in Texas, trying to help a fellow veteran suffering from PTSD.

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

It's A Very Simple Question, Nancy

At a press conference celebrating the anniversary of Roe v Wade, a reporter asked Nancy Pelosi a very simple question (See here and here):  Is an unborn child after 20 weeks of pregnancy a human being or not? . She refused to answer the question, and instead rambled on about women's reproductive rights, and her opposition to a bill before the House that would place any conditions on abortions. When she finished, he asked the question again, and Ms Pelosi again refused to answer it. 

Some possible reasons she would refuse to answer the question are: