Saturday, August 1, 2015

Parenthetical Headlines

Today's actual headlines, slightly embellished subheadings.

(still no trace of Obama’s College records)

Sunday, July 26, 2015

WALKINGDEAD'S DEEP THOUGHTS

  • Thanks to bill Cosby and hulk hogan two of my major childhood role models are now pariahs... who's next, bill Paxton?


  • I'd really like to know what goes on in some peoples brains, not everyone's... just some people.






  • every time I hear about an atheist convention, I wonder how many of the attendees get the irony.



  • I think we're starting to put too many fallible people into infallible status.



  • I don't like the idea of slut shaming, not because I don't believe in sluts. But because I revere them they perform a very important service and it is integral to the American spirit, just as integral as apple pie baseball the bald eagle and entrepreneurs

  • Ok if Marco rubio uses a parody of ruby soho as his campaign song I'm gonna have to vote for him.


  • ok, I'm just gonna say it... I don't believe Kanye West is talented. he's the Nick Cage of music.



  • just once I'd like to use the sentence. "I drank too much at work today".


  • I'd like to start doing book reviews... but not on the words inside the book. like just review the cover art and the binding and smell of the ink and paper.


  • the fastest way to get me to look at something is title it "time travel".

  • So after much consideration I've decided to come out of the closet. I identify as a multi millionaire. I've been poor all my life but it just never felt right. I would see people like JR Euing on Dallas when I was a kid and I thought something was just off... like I should be that guy, and not the poor kid in Detroit who's parents have to share a car. so with the help of my therapist I'm going to start making the transition to a millionaire. I hope you can still accept me.



  • As much as I hate Chicago... that city has turned out some amazing punk bands over the years. its like finding a single standing building after being ravaged by war.


  • We should change the phrase "on the the right side of history" to "on the right side of public Opinion at the time".



  • In all honesty, I just did this so I could see if my log in credentials still work. Good thing Keln is so freakin lazy.

Friday, July 24, 2015

Where the Po' Folk Roam

He may be hungry, but he has a free Obama hat. 


So Obama is visiting his "home" country of Kenya. The land of his father. Also, the land of hunger with a 46% poverty rate and half of its population being children (they don't live long there). And what do we hear about Kenya, having a president whose own father is from the troubled country?

Crickets.

You might be inclined to think that such a progressive champion of the poor like Obama might have pushed his ancestral homeland as a place to feed and clothe those without, but of course you would be wrong. Because Obama is a true leftist. He doesn't look at such abject poverty as a bad thing. He looks at it as a model for what he wants western citizens to be.

Thursday, July 23, 2015

Changing the meaning of words...and how it probably makes Webster very mad. If he were alive I mean.

 Rarrww...cluck cluck cluck

We have a problem America. Or 'Merca. Or the U S of A. Or, the Fifty Oppressive White People States. Whatever you people call yourselves now.

Anyway, that problem is the mercurial nature of definitions. I mean, it's gotten really bad. Like...you can't even define a woman any more. And forget an African American. Apparently you can choose your "race" and sex all willy nilly and nature has nothing to say about it any more.

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Saturday, July 11, 2015

Put up Your Dukes

Don't say I didn't warn you

The Blog is Saved

It's taken me a month, but I finally figured out the Google admin account thing and made the annual payment to keep the site going. Stupid Google making things complicated.

You may all now cancel your plans for the end of the world as we know it.

So if anyone else blogs and has their own domain address they got through Google a couple years ago or so, and you have to update your payment information (and since cards expire, you will eventually), let me let you in on how it's all gone down.

How Convenient

I'm a little late to the draw here (better delayed than premature, or so I've been told), but today is National Convenience Store Day.

If you head on down to any 7/11, you can get a free small Slurpee.

And if I lived in the Greater New York are, I would head on down to Michael Bloomberg's place and drink it right on his front lawn. And leave the cup there. I might even spring for a Big Gulp as well, just to show him who's boss.

And if I could find a 7/11 (There aren't many in my neck of the woods), I would (not being in the Greater New York area (is there a LESSER New York area?)) Priority Mail my empties to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue c/o/ Michelle Obama.

If you're bored and have nothing better to do, why not stick it to the nanny staters in a small but conveniently amusing way?

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Friday, July 3, 2015

A Bison Once Bit My Sister

Several people have been injured after getting too close to bison in Yellowstone National Park this season. The main reason for these incidents is because some people don’t heed common sense warnings. Mind you, most of the victims are apparently adults, but it seems much of their understanding of wildlife is derived from watching Disney cartoons.

Warnings can be helpful. They are issued because people have noted a strong correlation between doing, or not doing certain things, and other terrible things often happening as a result.

“Don’t tell me not to vote for that progressive. He’s going to change things and give us free stuff!”

But a warning based on conjecture, or speculations that cannot be proven true or false by experience or experimentation, especially when it would give the purveyors of such presumptions positions of power if they were to be believed, is not one that should be blindly obeyed — even if the great majority of specialists on the subject agree on it.

Here’s an advisory that is given to tourists as they enter Yellowstone:

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Rubio's Luxury Speedboat Scandal Grows

So, we all know Marco Rubio is running for President. Currently, he is a United States Senator from Florida. Miami is his home town.

This is what he looks like:
 

The New York Times, in keeping with their tradition of top-notch journalism, has informed us that Rubio used part of a book advance to buy a "luxury speedboat."

This is what his "luxury speedboat" looks like:


There is someone else, quite famous, also from Miami, who also has a VERY similar luxury speedboat.
That speedboat looks like this:

Who is that someone?

Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Urban Legend

I heard that if a pregnant woman looks  in a mirror and says "Bloody Nancy" three times, Nancy Pelosi will appear and abort her baby.

Islamic State to Disband in Wake of SUPCO Gay Marriage Ruling

In a stunning move, a coalition of Islamic State leaders has agreed to relinquish the group’s goal of establishing a worldwide Islamic caliphate, and has announced a plan to dissolve the movement.

IS leaders say the impetus behind this revolutionary transformation was the United States Supreme Court’s recent ruling requiring states to recognize marriages between same-sex couples.

IS spokesman Abu Muhammad al-Adnani, in a rare video appearance released by Al Arabiya said, “This development has sincerely moved us. Seeing the recent joyous celebrations in America has changed our worldview entirely.” Sporting a rainbow-striped taqiyah, al-Adnani contritely lamented, “How silly we have been to take the Koran literally, and try to bring the judgment of Allah over all the earth.”

Thursday, June 25, 2015

Short and To The Point

I'm so angry at the SCOTUS right now I can hardly see straight. 

Not simply because they ruled against "my side", although of course that stings a bit, but mainly because they exceeded their authority in the WAY they ruled.