Obama to Skip Convention
(APYL) CHARLOTTE, NC- In a surprise move, President Obama today announced that he will not attend the Democratic National Convention in Charlotte, North Carolina, in August. This would mark the first time a presidential candidate has missed the convention at which he was to be nominated.
This move, described as “the Nuclear Option,” comes as a number of other prominent Democrats, including West Virginia Senator Joe Manchin and Missouri Senator Claire McCaskill, have also chosen to skip the convention in order to focus on what promise to be difficult reelection campaigns.
Said the President: “I have a lot of work to do for the people, and they need me to do it. It’s important that I so what they need me to do and I won’t let them down. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to make this putt to save par.”
Asked whether this move means the President is considering the possibility of dropping out as the Democratic Candidate, Vice President Joe Biden replied, “Give up? H***, no! We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender!”
Presidential Press Secretary Jay Carney commented, “The President inherited a bad economy from his predecessor.” His head then spun around 360 degrees and pea green vomit spewed from his mouth.
Republican National Committee President Reince Priebus noted, “It’s obvious that Democrats in tight races don’t want to be seen and identified with an increasingly unpopular President who is pushing an increasingly unpopular agenda. However, it appears the President thinks the problem is with the convention, not his policies and himself. I think this bodes well for the election of Romney to the presidency, especially if we can get the Blue Fairy to turn him into a real boy.”
Anonymous sources within the White House say that the President’s chief campaign advisors are quite pleased at the move, claiming that skipping the convention will allow the President to attend three days worth of fundraisers that they otherwise would not be able to schedule.An APYL poll reveals that, while people are highly motivated and enthusiastic about voting, they are also confused at how the two major political parties could manage to nominate two candidates that pretty much no one is enthusiastic about voting for.(AI)