If National Politics Were Played Like a Baseball Game
I started watching my favorite baseball team, the Detroit Tigers play The Kansas City Royals, and it started the creative juices flowing. I have been a fan of the Tigers since I was nine years old, so, I have followed baseball for over fifty years. I started thinking, how would baseball be different if it were played by our national politicians? This is what I think would happen. I hope you will add your own ideas.
Democrats versus Republicans
Offense: Republicans must start each inning with one out and two strikes on each batter; Dems start with no outs and a man on second. Dems get a walk after three balls, Repubs after five.
Defense: Republican outfielders must position themselves no more than sixty feet behind the infield. Dems may play anywhere they want. Dems will have a Union Rep stationed alongside each umpire. If a call goes against them, the Rep may overrule the call.
If the temperature at game time is in excess of 95 degrees, no matter the venue, the game is called a 9-0 win for the Dems due to Global Warming.
If a Dem batter accidentally hits a seagull in fair territory, he is granted a Ground Rule Double. If the same thing happens to a Republican, he is fined $250,000 by the Environmental Protection Agency and is automatically out!
No matter which team is hosting the game, the Dems get 75% of the proceeds.
Announcers for the game are chosen by the Dems for the first eight innings from a pool supplied by ABC, NBC, CBS, MSNBC, CNN and ESPN. The Republicans may employ announcers from Fox Sports for the ninth inning, only.
If a game reaches the ninth inning with the Dems behind, the Republicans are required to keep playing the game until the Dems win.
Dems are allowed to charge the Republicans extra to keep the lights on for a night game.
When the All Star game rolls around, only Dems are allowed to count the votes.
If a Dem player is caught in a scandal or commits a felony outside the ball park, he is punished with negative publicity.
If a Republican player does something that the Dems consider questionable or hypocritical, he is pilloried by the Press, and drummed out of the League!