Friday, August 24, 2012

Nuke the Punchline: The Band No Longer Plays "Hail to the Chief"

Harvey over at IMAO has another straight line of the day up, and so it is time to pick the winners of the last one:

 The band no longer plays "Hail to the Chief" when Obama walks in...

#5 AwesometificAmerican: ...they play The Internationale.

#4 phreshone: ...and no one in the administration has figured out that it has been replaced with “Send in the clowns”

#3 Gary:
 ...The Marine band no longer plays “Hail to the Chief” when Obama walks in out of deference to Obama’s most recent comment: “You didn’t play that.” Administration officials are still unsure as to who actually did most recently play the well known piece of music. Vice Presedent Biden, when interviewed, stated that “Of course they (the Marine band) played the piece. They work for the government, right?” Other officials within the White House are not so sure. A source who wished to remain off the record stated that “… while it is true the Marines are techincally in the employment of the government, the individual musicians put in quite a bit of hard work and practice to achieve the level of skill required to perform in such a high-profile position. They could not have done any of that without the roads and bridges required to get to lessons, much less the time they spent with that plastic recorder thing in music class at public school. It’s a sticky situation that we just haven’t figure out how to present in a way that flows well on the teleprompter.” It appears that until the administration can cooridnate with their campaign and create a suitable narrative on the matter, any official Presedential function will procede without any official musical introduction.

#2 EJ: ...because they finally read the lyrics, and trombones lose much of their timbre when clogged with vomit.

And the best punchline goes to CarolyntheMommy:

The band no longer plays "Hail to the Chief" when Obama walks in. Instead they play E-I-E-I-O:

Barack Hussein is full of crap
E I E I O
There’s 57 States on his map
E I E I O
With a smug look here
and a bad plan there
Here a look
there “plan”
Hey this guy’s a jerk man
Barack Hussein is full of crap
E I E I O
This guy said Romney wasn’t called ‘felon’
E I E I O
There’s nothing worthwhile in his melon
E I E I O
With some BS here
and a cop out there
Here some BS
there a cop out
All he does is whine and pout
Barack Hussein is full of crap
E I E I O
He told us all we “didn’t build that”
E I E I O
That’s because he's an a#!hat
E I E I O
He’s insulted us here
and called us terrorist there
Insulted here
Name-called there
Let’s kick him outta there fair and square
Barack Hussein is full of crap
E I E I O!!!!!!!
 Congratulations CarolyntheMommy!

Now here's a line for you guys to tool around with:

On rainy days, Obama plays...

14 comments:

  1. "Try to get the umbrella through the gate" with Michelle.

    No, that's not a sexual euphemism:

    http://sandrarose.com/2010/08/obama-fail-photo-of-the-day/

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  2. ... with his big stick Joe Biden talked about.

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  3. ... Puff The Magic Dragon, without the music.

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  4. ... the fiddle, while the middle class burns.

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  5. ... his regular game of golf. Ear Leader doesn't think God would have the temerity to allow Teh Won to be struck by lightning.

    Ogrrre

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  6. Lactose the IntolerantAugust 24, 2012 at 6:02 PM

    Raffi really loudly because the thunder frightens Joe.

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  7. Lactose the IntolerantAugust 24, 2012 at 6:05 PM

    Master and Servant with the interns, but only when Bill is in town.

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  8. Lactose the IntolerantAugust 24, 2012 at 6:09 PM

    with Bo until snacktime......

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  9. Lactose the IntolerantAugust 24, 2012 at 6:18 PM

    with his collection of bankrupt green companies.

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  10. Monopoly - Obama has all the bank's money. The car token is on fire on Free Parking. Electric Company is permanently mortgaged. Illinois Ave has the only building on the board. Joe Biden has the Railroads. Income and Luxury Taxes are house rule raised 50% every time Obama passes Go. Eric Holder always has the Get Out Of Jail Free card. The dog token is missing.

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  11. Lactose the IntolerantAugust 24, 2012 at 7:13 PM

    the My Pretty Pony role playing game. His character is the flying rainbow unicorn that defecates chocolate coated wishes sprinkled with Enzyte. Inexplicably, Joe insists on being Gargamel, who is from a completely different universe and wreaks havoc on the house rules.

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  12. house... of cards.

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