Thursday, September 13, 2012

Radiation: The Cure

Take two of these, and call us in the morning...

You know, there is just something about people in the Arab world that just doesn't square right. I mean, they keep on taunting, like, the most powerful nation in the world just doesn't make sense. What could they be missing?

Oh, I know...a healthy respect for the consequences of an unhealthy dose of radiation.

See, they kind of remind me of a rather psychotic people about 70 years ago or so...the Japanese Empire. Back then, the Japanese didn't make video games, and cool robots, and stupid cartoons. They made ridiculously effective war machines, and they coupled that with fanaticism, much like the Islamic fanaticism we see today out of Arab nutjobs. 

They were a tough enemy to beat; far more dangerous than your average Al Qaeda member. But they shared that whole fanaticism thing, if not the inability to actually produce stuff thing. As in, Islamists are about as useless at making anything of value as a sloth with a left-handed hammer. They just can't do much besides hate people and suck oil out of the ground. 

So the Japanese Imperialists were more dangerous, because they weren't only as moonbat crazy as Islamists are, they were also crazy good engineers, and extremely dedicated workers.

So you might wonder how we conquered such a nation? Simple: we nuked the noodles out of 'em. And in that process, we taught them about the consequential effects of radiation. Since then, they have turned their industrious nature towards more friendly (and profitable!) pursuits, such as making cool robots and video games and stuff. Lesson learned!

So, I think this lesson could possibly be applied to the Middle East. See, they have the whole fanaticism thing down pat, even if they can't really be much of a threat above the annoyance level. I mean, in the geopolitical neighborhood, the Middle East and those terrorist fellows are like the stupid neighbor that won't cut their grass.

So, it is time for the Homeowner's Association to step in, headed of course by the United States. How do we get them to clean up their act? Simple...teach them about the dangers of radiation. By dropping several nuclear bombs on them. We don't even need to drop them on cities or anything: we aren't going for death tolls like they do. We just want to teach them to have a healthy respect for our power by giving them some examples of what these weapons, that they clearly don't understand, can actually do. And more importantly, that, yes, America is willing to use them.

I mean, really...this is like the only thing we haven't tried. At this point, there is really nothing left for us to do except start bombing the ever-living daylights out of them. They just won't understand who they are messing with until we use the very weapons that made us the country you don't mess with.

If it can work for an aggressive Japanese Empire, it can work for some bozos still living in the the 7th century.

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