You get to deal with this. I have an early tee time.
Morsi is really getting on my nerves. He’s insisting that we host him for a few days here in New York. The hidden imam compels me, or some crap like that. He’s trying to sell me on his 6 step plan for martyrdom or whatever he’s calling that cluster-crap business model he keeps e-mailing me that keeps getting filtered straight to my ‘Dispose-of-this-stupid-craptastic-Shiite-crap-immediately’ folder. Thank you, MSN.
Since I never responded to his spam, he sent this scrawny fellow directly to me with a hand-written request that we welcome him for a presentation on the benefits of joining the Muslim Brotherhood and how best America can change to accommodate the new Allah-approved Egyptian regime. Then he tacked on a rider with a list of demands regarding his accommodations and dressing room and Shiite. The guy must think he’s Katie freakin’ Perry or Lady Googoo Achmed or something. I mean, Mohammed H. Prophet. Check out some of the stuff he wants.
- One 24 ounce bottle of Johnson and Johnson’s Baby Oil, 24 white roses and a baby seal
- Unlimited falafel (Must be cooked in lard)
- A variety of tin foil hats (Must be made of real tin foil, not the Reynold’s American substitute that was designed by the CIA to allow the transmission of mind control rays)
- A beating stick
- One pack of men’s athletic socks
- All items in the room must be covered in clear plastic wrap to be removed only by the artist
- No toy robots are to be allowed on the premises or he will not perform
- Five Gideon Qurans
- One small rhesus monkey skeleton
- Lots of fish ice
- Three jewish princesses
- A scrying device
- A life size Robert Patinson doll, a wolf skin and a lock of Stephanie Myers’ hair
- No MSG
- A decanter of Bill Clinton sweat and a partially used cigar
- The first three seasons of Sesame Street in a betamax format
- Jack Bauer’s head on a platter
Allah forgive me, but I’m really missing Hosni. He just asked for money.