Sunday, October 28, 2012

It's Like My First Time All Over Again

A lot of people are giving Lena Dunham grief for her Obama advertisement.  Actually, I don’t think her metaphor is that bad, just a little misapplied.  I just think it needs a little retooling to be more apt.  Here is how I would have written the ad (warning, I can see how some may find this offensive).

Your first time shouldn’t be with just anybody. You want to do it with a great guy. It should be with a guy with beautiful … somebody who really cares about and understands women.
For my first time, I voted for Barack Obama.  I thought he was that guy.  I was hoping for a change after my last bad boyfriend.  But then he forced me down.  First it was the stimulus.  Then it was Obamacare. Then it was unemployment. And dropping wages. And gas prices. And food prices, all forced on me again and again and again.  I thought no meant “no”.  Apparently no means “Yes I would love another boot to the head, please.”

When I complained, he said it wasn’t his fault my last boyfriend had messed me up so bad. This is for my own good.  I’ll learn to appreciate it.  Now make me a sandwich, ho, I've got a tee time coming.

Then he left me battered, bawling and bruised while he chased some new tail.  But now he is back asking for another chance.  I think I’ll give to him.  I hope he has changed.  He’s so dreamy, and I have no self-esteem. I’m so excited and hopeful.  It will be like having my first time all over again.

14 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  2. I meant to cut that before it published. Oops.

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    1. awe that's so sad... it was my favorite part.

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    2. Lactose the IntolerantOctober 28, 2012 at 5:28 PM

      I know. I was totally cracking up when I wrote it, but I was pretty sure Keln would freak.

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    3. my post for tomorrow has a reference to women making sandwiches... I wrote it before I read this. I just wanted you to know.

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  3. Replies
    1. Just put NSFT (not safe for Trina) at the top of all posts I shouldn't read. Please.

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    2. Lactose the IntolerantOctober 28, 2012 at 5:49 PM

      Will do. Just in case I forget, if I put a warning disclaimer on it, it is probably not safe for you. Good thing you didn't see the uncut version of this one.

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    3. You and walkingdead seem to like the same kinds of humor. Almost like twins.

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  4. I'm not sure I'm the right TYPE of woman to write for this blog. I'm not so hot at making sandwiches.

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    1. Lactose the IntolerantOctober 28, 2012 at 5:52 PM

      That's OK. We accept muffins and cookies as well.

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    2. I'm awesome at those. But, geez, I don't remember offering. Just a tip: today is probably not the best day to ask.

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  5. Missed the 'uncut' version, but 'boot to the head' reminded me of the Tai Quan Leap skit, so I LOLed anyway.

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