Biden’s been hitting the campaign trail again, and he is really hammering home the war on women theme, loudly proclaiming that women are entitled to every single operation, every single one, even, I guess, if it means enslaving America’s doctors to do it. Now if he were advocating free plastic surgery for all women, well that is the kind of general welfare clause stuff I could get behind (start with Candy Crowley please, full work up), but I rather suspect he’s talking about mammograms and boring stuff like that. Biden has a daughter, you see, so he understands women. Mitt, of course, has no daughters, presumably because he drowned all his nonmale progeny in a well, after beating Ann for not keeping her ovum in line, and he wants all women to be sick in binders in his cellar next to his cherished collection of cancerous mammary glands floating in formaldehyde that he lovingly dug up from the local cemetery.
I think it’s time to fight fire with water. I am officially accusing the Obama/Biden campaign of waging a war on men. Be careful who you vote for, men. Here are some of the things you can expect under another Obama presidency when he no longer has to worry about being reelected.
· All sports that don’t involve judges will be prohibited.
· Prostate exams will only be available in back alleys, and they will probably involve a coat hanger.
· Male fetuses will be preferentially aborted toward the eventual goal of maintaining the bare minimum of males for breeding stock.
· Males deemed unworthy of being put to stud will be used for medical experiments.
· Men who survive the medical experiments will be neutered and put to use as mannequins, scratching posts or crash test dummies.
· The Department of Education will require ballroom dancing and Zumba classes for all boys beginning with kindergarten.
· Beer will only be available in ‘fruity’ flavors.
· Television remotes will be banned.
· All movies will be written by either Nicholas Sparks or Stephanie Meyers.
· Estrogen supplements will be added to the nation’s water supply so men can share in breastfeeding responsibilities.
· Pastels everywhere!
Shiver, this would not be my America anymore.