First, the Obama administration tried to keep Benghazi all hush hush before the election. Now we learn the Obama administration kept the Petraeus scandal all hush hush before the election. I’m wondering how many more hush hush scandals haven’t made the light of day yet. My man in State has heard some rumors about what scandals may soon be seeing the light. Here are a few we may expect in the near future.
· There are e-mails exposing a deal between Obama and the North Koreans. Obama is agreeing to turn a blind eye to the North Korean nuclear weapon program in exchange for a lifetime subscription to the dog of the month club.
· NAMBLA was funneling large, foreign campaign contributions to the Obama campaign, using the PBS fund drive to launder the contributions under the oversight of Elmo’s puppeteer, Dan Savage and Barney Frank’s ‘roommate.’
· Crytpozoologists from the Discovery Channel have in their possession grainy video proof of the existence of Bigfoot. The footage depicts a drunken Bill Clinton mating with a female Sasquatch. Biologists collected fur samples and cigars from the scene. Michelle was seen visiting Planned Parenthood three weeks after the event, but she refused to submit fur samples for analysis. It has been reported that in discussions with the White House, Discovery Channel executives have agreed not to air the footage in exchange for increased federal funding for their field research, three of Michelle’s unfertilized eggs and, upon her death, the exclusive rights to the autopsy video.
· For the last four years, Michelle has been switching Starbucks coffee with Folger’s Crystals. For the next four years, she will be switching the Folger’s Crystals with fat-free organic fertilizer.
· Documents will suggest that Fast and Furious wasn’t a sting operation meant to track gun smugglers but a means to arm the Mexicans and La Raza so they could reclaim the great red state of Texas and its 38 electoral votes for Mexico.
· Negotiations are underway with Iran and Syria to achieve peace in the Middle East by restoring the 1867 Palestine borders.
· Anonymous White House insiders will reveal that Obama turned a blind eye to Ambassador Stevens’ plight because the ambassador once dared raise his head and look him in the eye.
· Hawaiian scientists have come forward to confirm that Obama was indeed NOT born in Hawaii. Inspired by the hit duet Ebony and Ivory, the researchers admitted to creating Obama in the laboratory by combining the genetic material of Stevie Wonder and Paul McCartney. Unexpected side effects, however, resulted in blinding Obama to reality and making him believe that he was bigger than Jesus.
· Joe Biden has been actively covering up his addiction to prescription laxatives.
· FBI investigators have uncovered 20,000 pages of lovelorn e-mails between Joe Biden and Koko the gorilla.
· Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has been conducting secret discussions with Spain concerning how to deal with illegal immigration. The plans have been dubbed “Operation Conquistador,” which seems appropriate since all of the military training manuals and videos that were created are in Spanish.