Friday, November 2, 2012

War on Hurricanes

Hurricanes attack!

With the hurricane season having wound down after that last big one that hit New York and New Jersey which Obama successfully cleaned up already, the President has decided to go on the offensive against hurricanes. Instead of just waiting for hurricanes to attack us first, like Bush always did, Obama said he is going to push for a formal declaration of war on hurricanes. Now that Al Qaeda has been vanquished by Obama, the last real remaining threat to America are these plaguey hurricanes, which are bent upon our destruction.

They attack us every year, casting their baleful glances upon us with their one evil eye, before they strike daring us to try and stop them. Well no more! Obama, who forced the oceans to recede from their global warming induced surge will now take on these monsters of the briny deep.

But how? How can even Obama fight against these monstrous creatures? Through legislation, of course. First he will make hurricanes illegal, preventing them from entering our country. And although the few who dare to enter anyway will still be able to vote and get in-state tuition, the new legislation will give the President executive privilege to attack these hurricanes at will, by declaring them terrorists.

This will give the next Obama administration the ability to use drones and Navy SEALs to strike at hurricanes even before they make landfall. And when a hurricane is caught, the administration will be able to use water-boarding advanced interrogation techniques to find out the overall plans of the hurricanes. 

The United States Navy will be equipped with their new green-energy wind sail technology to capture the wind from hurricanes, causing the evil storms to lose power. The Air Force will also develop transport technology to be able to drop Michael Moore on a hurricane's eye, blinding it. Finally, the President plans on finding the Sword of Grayskull and having Al Gore wield it to force the powers of the evil climate change that is behind these hurricanes to bend to his green will. This is Obama's new "all the above" plan to take the war to hurricanes and stop them in their tracks.

All it requires to implement is a $5 or more donation to his campaign in the next 24 hours.


  1. Hahahaha what? He's not going to harness the hurricane power with his bare hands and use it to power his new ultragreen golf cart?

  2. Oh Crap!
    You ::DO NOT:: waterboard hurricanes! It just pisses them off and makes them more powerful. -Kind of like the Hulk.

    /Grrrr! Sandy Smash!! ...Puny president...