Thursday, November 15, 2012

What Did I Find in Paula's Bedroom?

It turns out the FBI has found classified documents in Paula Broadwell’s apartment.  It’s a good thing I have a man in State to check this out for me.  Here is an incomplete list of the classified documents allegedly found in Paula’s apartment.
·         Michelle’s Klingon birth certificate and class 3 bird of prey pilot license.
·         A rough draft for a cookbook entitled: To Serve Man’s Best Friend.
·         Illicit photographs of Barney Frank, Kevin Clash and an odd assortment of underage sock puppets.
·         A series of letters to Obama’s Wall Street supporters reminding them to ‘sell like crazy’ on November 5, 2012.
·         Results for the IQ tests of all Democrats in the Federal Government.  It turns out Biden is the intellectual leader of the party, heaven help us all.
·         E-mails between Obama and Chevrolet ‘encouraging’ Chevrolet to cover up the known safety issues and the marketing data suggesting no one wants to buy the car.  Further e-mails reveal that the Volt is really a modified golfcart with a different body and the overspeed safety removed, and the government money granted to develop the Volt had really been used to fund their new line of trucks and SUVs.
·         Early drafts of Dreams of My Father that were clearly not ghost written by Bill Ayers. By all accounts, the original version appeared to be an erotic popup book.
·         Electrical schematics for Al Gore, including hand written notes in the margins warning of the inevitable melt down of his AI unit.
·         Explicit instructions regarding how to make Solyent Green out of honkies.
·         E-mails between Obama and Ahmedinejad detailing how they were going to ‘divy up the Jewish booty.’
·         20,000 e-mails between Michelle Obama and Michael Bloomberg in which the terms ‘plump kids,’ ‘Twinkies,’ and ‘Big Gulps’ seem to have been repeatedly transformed into inappropriate sexual euphemisms.
·         1,460 golf scorecards in which the total scores for the winner were miscalculated.
·         A text written in clumsy greek titled The Gospel According to St. Barack.  The document appears to have been artificially weathered.

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