Wednesday, December 12, 2012

An attempt at "posting"

Last night my oldest daughter, who is eight, finally got around to asking my wife and I if we were Santa Claus. So now she knows.  The wife had a good cry because our baby is growing up fast, while I got to soapbox a bit on the history of Santa - because I know way, WAY too much on the subject due to he being (him being? grammar nazis please help me out here) the principal character in my senior thesis a frightfully long time ago.  She also asked if my wife was the Tooth Fairy, and we both responded honestly "No."

This morning, on the way to work (after dropping off our younger girl) my eldest and I resumed our Tooth Fair discussion. You see, 'round our place the TF has done some pretty astounding work - magical scented letters of appreciation written in unburnt letters (wherein everything but the text itself has obviously been exposed to great heat or some other type of power), coins encased in fresh sea shells (do you have ANY idea how hard it is to find oysters out of season? or in the middle of the night?), trails of pixie dust across the bedroom, messages left on a white T-shirt in glow-in-the-dark paint, etc... I should stop there because, frankly, I'm bragging.

Anyways, we got around to the truth - that *I'm* the Tooth Fairy at our house. But now there's two of us, and three Santas, because we've drafted her into the game for the sake of our youngest.

OK, so what else is going on in the world? 

Oh yeah, Steven Crowder took one for the team, so a great big "Yay, Steven!" goes out to him, and I hope he prosecutes the union thugs who assaulted him.

I heard about the HHS adding a nearly $70fee to what, everybody? for the privilege of breathing? to go along with Abominationcare, and I have to ask: So does the law now endow the HHS Secretary with the authority to levy taxes on the general population, like it does the power to abrogate 1st Amendment religious liberties?  I ask because I'm really not in favor of that, in case anyone cared or was keeping score.

Two days ago, Jeffie Immelt (GE Autarch and Obama BFF) had wonderful things to say about the Chinese economic system and praised their "state-run communism".  (Sidebar: Is there any other kind of official communism than "state-run"?)  I'm going to set aside my arch-conservative credentials for just a moment (in the rare "Remo Williams" spirit of having to break things in order to save them), and say that I now believe our government should nationalize GE immediately.  Oh, don't get me wrong, I think it would be wretched for our nation and horrible for the company, and could cause all sorts of untoward mayhem, BUT (on balance) Immelt really deserves to have his company yanked out from underneath him by the blundering hand of the all-powerful State. And I would want him to take it personally.

I've been trying to hang a new microwave for a good chunk of the day.  It shouldn't take this long, and is a really simple process. But this is my first time drilling through decorative tile, I apparently stink at it, it takes forever, and I've already snapped one carbide "glass & tile" bit.  On the plus side, Lowes appreciates my business, and is not shy of letting me know this, no matter how many times I stop by during the day.

Casually saunter onward...


  1. Hahahahahahaha :) Awesome. Have fun at Lowes, btw.

    The tooth fairy thing is impressive. Very cool. Maybe I'll steal some of your ideas for child #5. Wow.

  2. The "unburnt text" thing is pretty simple, and I expect a lot of people already know how to do it (I'm old, and I first learned it in kindergarten), but my version is this:
    1) Print out the text of whatever your message is going to be, in whatever fancy font you care to use (make it big).
    2) Place your printout behind a clean sheet of paper, and - this is important - using a white crayon, trace over the text. This part makes my eyes water, and is difficult for me because my natural handwriting is more along the lines of "dyslexic 4-year-old medical doctor" style.
    3) Sprinkle/paint/dab/whatever (depending on the patterning you want) lemon juice onto the paper. Swirls are recommended.
    4) Place in oven (your choice of heat setting, I use "broil") or if it is a hot summer day, into the sunlight, and watch it carefully - you don't want it to get overdone.

    The white crayon invisibly protects the paper wherever the text is, while the lemon juice darkens the page and makes it look burnt.

    I also usually flame-singe the paper all the way around the edge, and then put some scent on it with either peppermint oil, orange oil, vanilla, or lavender (or really whatever I can find in the pantry or fridge).

    Presto! Tooth Fairy Snail Mail.