So it seems Mitt and Obama had a let’s-be-best-pals-now lunch together. I would have liked to be a fly on the wall to observe that event. It’s a good thing my man in State is privy to some of what occurred there. Here is what he reported.
· The lunch was actually a potluck. Romney brought green jello with carrots in it and Obama brought his special Twice-Jacked Terrier.
· They were using Obama’s telepromptor for the karaoke, but the fun was cut short when it got stuck on the lyrics to God Bless America, and Obama couldn’t bring himself to sing the words.
· When they noticed that Joe was trying to listen in with his Sneaky Snooper, Mitt and the President pretended to make out.
· Barack kept blaming his rude noises on Sasha’s blasted whoopee cushion.
· Following the lunch, Obama sent Romney the $55,000/plate bill, already adding the 145% gratuity. The deficit for the lunch still ran at nearly $2,500,000.
· Mitt was reported to have walked off in a huff when a tipsy Obama commented that Ann Romney reminded him a lot of his own sexy grandmother and then proposed some wife swapping.
· During the meal, Mitt gave Obama a copy of the Book of Mormon and in return, Obama gave Mitt a copy of Our Bodies Ourselves.
· Obama pulled Romney aside and secretly asked him if he knew any good physicians that would be willing to be paid under the table after Obamacare took effect.
· After the luncheon, Obama gifted Romney with an iPod filled with recordings of the final two Presidential Debates, his acceptance speech, raucous chortling and what appeared to be the sound of Obama and Biden repeatedly passing gas.
· As part of the after meal entertainment, they played Duck, Duck, Fleece and Pin the Tail on Biden.
· During the meal and using NEA funding, Biden exhibited his new performance art piece by immersing himself in a jar of urine. The title of the piece was Piss Ant.
· Michelle kept scolding Mitt for feeding his scraps to Joe.
· Obama attempted to demonstrate how Democrats and Republicans could work together to avoid the fiscal cliff by offering to ‘cut’ Joe’s meat in exchange for some ‘stimulating’ conversation. The conversation wasn’t stimulating, and Joe required 9 stitches.