Reader Submission: Health Care Cost Curve

Here's a graphic submitted by Arik describing just one of many ways that government health care programs drive up overall health care costs:

It's Not a Tax!

Read my lips, it's not not not not a tax.

Well, the conservative spin machine is out in full force, twisting the words of the Supreme Court ruling on Obama's Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act. Republicans are running around taking jabs at the PPACA, claiming the mandate part of it is a tax because that was the Supreme Court's opinion as it's basis for being constitutional.

What these nutjobs on the right seem to forget is that it is just an "opinion". The Supreme Court said the mandate is constitutional, then ruled opined that it is so based on it being a tax. Well, everyone is entitled to their opinion, but once the SCOTUS said the mandate was constitutional, there was little reason to listen to anything else they blabbered about. Generally it is best for those black-robed jackwagons to keep their mouths shut and only speak when the President needs them to say something he is doing is constitutional.

Besides, both Obama and his muppet press secretary Jay Carney have told the American people, point blank, that the mandate isn't a tax. It is not for us to question what the President says. Doing so can get you arrested or worse. I think it's high time the President starts exercising that bit of Executive Privilege, and begins putting all of these people running around saying the mandate is a tax into jail. Starting with most of the Supreme Court.

His next target should be Mitt Romney who is reported to be preparing for future debates with the President. I don't know why the President would agree to such a thing when nothing he does or says is really debatable.  Obama should just start the first debate by telling everyone what is what, and the first time Romney counters or questions anything the President says, Obama should shout "Executive Privilege!" as kind of a code word. Then the Secret Service should come onto the stage and take Romney away in handcuffs.

Really, if the President had done that months ago, then he wouldn't have to waste so much time right now campaigning for reelection and would have more time to work on his putting do what's best for this country.

Tactical Nuke: Saturday, June 30, 2012

I'm not a big fan of my power company. Like every time there is a slight breeze, or a butterfly flutters a little too much, BAM! The power is out to the whole city I live in.

I even caught some kids in the neighborhood once playing a game where they throw feathers at a power line and see which one can knock out the power grid supplying the entire state. Apparently, the first feather-chucker always wins. I then explained to these children that the xbox does not work without power. They chose to stop playing the game.

As I was writing the above, I actually lost power again. Oh, the irony.

Well, Obama has decided to play this ObamaCare™ victory of his for all it's worth, by reselling it to the public. Specifically, by reselling it as not being a tax.

Are they really that dumb? Even an imbecile could look at Obama in a debate and say "but the Supreme Court said it's a tax" whilst picking his nose.

To the Obama "folks": Let me be clear, the Supreme Court upheld your health care act mandate as constitutional on the grounds that it is a tax. But you are claiming it isn't a tax. So you are thusly claiming it is unconstitutional.

I am even further convinced that the left does not have the capacity for reason or logic. Either that, or they believe that the American people don't, which means they are just arrogant beyond belief. Some times I just want to collectively smack the left. Snap out of it! Reality actually matters!

A Fox News article asks the question: "Want to drive a tank?"

 What the deuce kind of question is that? Do I want to drive a tank??

Do I want to eat some bacon?

Do I prefer breathing to not breathing?

Do I pine for sustenance when I am hungry?

Is the Pope Catholic?

What an idiotic question Fox News. No wonder the left loves you guys so much.

On a side note, I received some flak from some personal acquaintances yesterday about my comparing a violinist playing a classical piece to Jimmy Paige playing a guitar. I feel compelled to make the argument that classical music and rock share a strong bond, and rock would not exist without the great composers. Had those composers electric guitars, they would have used them. And the great composers had big hair first.

To support my argument, I submit another version of Vivaldi's Winter. Power chords included.

No Blog Post of the Day Today

I had intended to make a daily post today, and had some pretty good (I thought) ideas for one, but the weather was not in my favor. Storms rolled in and took away my interwebs and electricity. I had to sit there like some kind of primitive, my house as dark as a cave. I began to blog anyway by way of cave art on the walls, until my wife took away my crayon.

If this is the eco-friendly, "natural" lifestyle enviromentalnuts keep going on about, they can keep it. I want my electricity!

As you can see, I did get it back eventually. Just in time too, as I almost forgot how to talk, and started grunting a lot. That might have just been because I was hungry and grumpy, dunno.

Back to our regularly scheduled programming tomorrow, Lord willin' and the creek don't rise.

Nuke the Punchline: Obama Had a Terrible Dream

Harvey over at IMAO has another straight line of the day up, and so it is time to pick the winners of the last one:

Barack Obama said: "I had a terrible dream last night".

#5 tomg51: But then, everything I do is terrible, so no surprise there.

#4 CarolyntheMommy: I was fresh out of race cards.

#3 EdthePastor: I was stranded on the moon, and Frank launched a "rescue rocket".

#2 Special Ed: I dreamt I was actually held accountable for everything I did.

And the best "punchline" goes to John

Barack Obama said, “I had a terrible dream last night…”
….I stood alone under a raging sky, dark mushroom clouds spiraling into the heavens, blotting out the last rays of sunlight that would ever reach our world. I had just ridden to safety on the crest of a nuclear explosion, encased in a lead-lined refrigerator that gave me a 50% chance of survival, providing my neck didn’t get broken from the impact of the fridge hitting the ground at several hundred miles an hour.
Nothing remained. Trash and tattered clothing billowed across the fields, merging with the dead crops and irradiated top soil before rolling along, another tributary feeding into the river of mankind’s fall.
Flames dotted all the hills, like the campfires of Hell’s approaching army. I lit my last cigarette with the smoldering ashes of an illegally-large soda container and sucked the last joy of creation into my lungs, looking on with dismay as a dust storm gathered across the horizon, leviathan and primordial, ready to herald the coming of Earth’s final, everlasting winter.
I woke up screaming. The phone rang.
“Barry? What happened? I felt something, like the voices of millions crying out in pain, then suddenly silenced.”
My voice was hoarse, ragged. “It was just a nightmare, Jimmy. How did you know?”
Jimmy Fallon sighed. “You know how it works, Barry. When we slow-jammed together, we forged a connection that can never be broken. When you hurt, I hurt.”
“I’d forgotten,” I said wearily. “I’m sorry you had to feel that too.”
“Never be sorry! Merging my consciousness with yours was the single greatest joy of my life. Your burdens are mine to share. Forever.”
I smiled. “God I miss you.”
Fallon laughed. “I miss you too! You don’t know how hard it’s been without you. I tried to slow-jam with Bill Maher, but he kept stopping to wait for an applause break. Then in the bathroom, he went right up to the urinal next to mine, despite there being at least five other urinals to choose from. He kept laughing. Then he got really serious and said he wanted me to lie down so he could snort a line of coke from my belly button to my left nipple. I didn’t want to do that, Barry. I was so scared.”
“It’s ok Jimmy. I’ll never let him touch you.”
“It’s just that….I know he donated $1 million to your re-election campaign. I didn’t know if you’d be…protecting him…”
“I can’t control who gives me money, Jimmy. You know that.”
Fallon sighed. “I know. You’re right, of course. I’m sorry I doubted you, Barry.”
“It’s ok Jimmy. And it hasn’t been easy for me either, you know. Being all the way over here in D.C. I still have the hat you wore in Fever Pitch. It’s starting to lose your smell though.”
“I knew you were the one who saw that movie! Drew Barrymore said it was Aaron Sorkin who rented it that one time at the Blockbuster in the valley. But I knew, KNEW it was you.”
“I need your help, Jimmy. My dream was a premonition. Dark times are coming. I need to re-connect with the 18-to-25 demographic. I need another slow-jam. I need you.”
“You’ve never lost me, Barry.”
I giggled and twirled the phone cord around my finger. “Do you want to practice right now?”
“Absolutely. Let me just put you on speaker phone……there. Go ahead, Mr. POTUS.”
“Ok……I believe…….that we can weather the coming storm…….that this great nation will survive the approaching tide……that we’ll take America back from corporations….”
“OH……YEAH……..BABY…” Jimmy Fallon breathed lustily, “BRING IT DOWN…….NICE……AND SLOW…….”
“I believe……that people…..don’t want to struggle for another four years……that people…….want to be working…..want to be saving……want to look forward to the future….”
“BARRY O…….IN THE HOUSE…..GONNA BREAK IT DOWN……REAL SMOOTH…….”
“I believe………that all Americans……deserve healthcare…….that all Americans…have the right to see a doctor……to bring their children to a doctor……..have the right to seek treatment when they’re hurting….”
“AWWYYYEEEAAAAHHH……………FEELIN’………..THE………LOOOOOVVVEEEEE…….”
“To do this…….I’m bringing about legislation……that will FORCE……by LAW……all Americans…..to BUY healthcare…..”
“………………………………………………………????”
I paused. “Jimmy? Is everything all right? I need you to come in after “healthcare”. Jimmy?”
“Um….”
A hint of uncertainty fluttered through me. “Jimmy?”
“Yeah…….uh……….”
“What is it baby? Tell me what’s wrong.”
I heard Jimmy sigh, the noise garbled by the speakerphone. “It’s just that….well….I’m not so sure the American people are down with that….”
I felt myself go cold. Go dark. I felt the predator take over. “You aren’t sure about….WHAT….exactly?”
“Well, it doesn’t really seem to SOLVE anything if you just force people to buy healthcare.”
“Jimmy, it makes perfect sense. Uninsured Americans account for hundreds of millions of dollars in hospital and physician fees every year. Every YEAR, Jimmy. If those people had insurance, those evil corporations would get stuck with the bill. Do you know how many iPads a quarter of a billion dollars buys, Jimmy? At least ten.”
“Yeah, I know. It’s just that…..well…….a big reason those Americans are uninsured is because they can’t AFFORD insurance. Forcing them to buy something they can’t afford—or hitting them with a fine they can’t afford if they refuse—doesn’t really solve anything.”
“What do you mean, IT DOESN’T SOLVE ANYTHING?!?!?! The amount of uninsured will go down to zero. ZERO, Jimmy. I’d be the first President ever to do that.”
“But….it’s kind of unconstitutional, isn’t it? Forcing Americans to purchase a private product?”
I smiled. I had him, the beautiful son of a *****. “Jimmy, Jimmy. We already force people to buy CAR INSURANCE, right? How is this any different?”
“Well, not everybody has a car, Barry. It’s not a requirement of U.S. citizenship to have a driver’s license. If you don’t want to participate in automobile-culture, you don’t have to do things like pay a fuel tax, or have a car registered, or pay for auto insurance.”
“But this is better for everyone, Jimmy. Everyone will have health coverage. Not everybody needs a car, I guess, if you want to be some crackhead loser who takes public transportation. But everyone needs to see a doctor, right? You don’t want orphans to die, do you Jimmy? Is that what you are? Should I just start having orphans shipped to your studio, and you can tease them with food and tell them they’re going to get parents and that they’re going to get a new wheelchair soon and then you can JUST KILL THEM ALL???? Is that what you want?”
“Of course not, Barry. But don’t you see that, by forcing somebody to buy health insurance, you’re forcing them to spend money on something JUST BECAUSE THEY’RE ALIVE? Somebody without any optional obligations, such as a house or a car—or even income from a job—can be fined for something they have no chance of declining? For the first time ever IN THE HISTORY OF THIS COUNTRY, the government can take money from you for the single fact that you survived into adulthood?”
Silence reigned. For a moment, I felt pity for him. My poor, sweet Jimmy Fallon. How could it have come to this? You seemed to understand so much. Now I’ll have to find a new entertainer.
“Barry? Are you still there? Say something!”
“I find your lack of faith disturbing, Jimmy.”
“Um. Yeah. Sorry. Are you…..are you trying to force-choke me over the phone?”
“No.”
“I can see you on Skype. You forgot to turn your camera off again. From that time we were joining our pillow-forts together? You probably just minimized the screen again. You have to click the X.”
I picked up another phone. The red phone. I pressed 9 on the speed dial, and waited.
“Barry? Look, I was wrong, ok? I’m sorry I said that. I didn’t mean to disagree with you. Just don’t do anything crazy, ok?”
“It’s too late for apologies, Mr. Fallon.”
“Mr. Fallon? You haven’t called me that since the first time we met backstage. We practiced our slow-jam, and then I ate a big messy cupcake, and I had frosting all over my upper lip, but you just giggled and wiped it away and I knew, KNEW that we’d always be together.”
“I wish it could have been that way, Mr. Fallon.” I heard a crash over the speakerphone, and the hissing whispers of tear gas canisters.
“Barry!??!?!?! What are the Secret Service doing here? Please don’t take me away. They’ll put me back on Saturday Night Live. I can’t go back to SNL Barry!! They don’t tousle my hair right, and they always made me sing, I HATE singing skits Barry, please don’t…….”
I woke up screaming. The phone rang.
“Barry? Barry, what’s wrong? I felt something terrible happening!”
“It’s ok Aaron. I was just having a nightmare. I dreamt that I slow-jammed with Jimmy Fallon on his low-rated entertainment show, and he promised he’d be with me forever, but he lied to me Aaron, he lied, and when I asked him for help with promoting my healthcare law to the American people he DEFIED ME…and…….and….”
“It’s ok Barry. It’s ok. Everything’s fine.”
I grinned nervously. “Yeah, you’re right. Everything’s better, now that I’m talking to you. It was all a little silly. Sorry I scared you. You were going to tell me about your new HBO show, a hard-hitting expose on broadcast journalism that’s smashing premium-cable records and resonating deeply with the American people and……”

Congratulations John! That was a doozy of a post.

Now, here is a straight line for you guys to play with:

What would be the title song of Obama: The Musical?

Reader Submission: Leaked F&F Documents Prove Obama's Brilliance

Another fake news piece from Arik:

Leaked F&F Documents Prove Obama’s Brilliance

(APYL) WASHINGTON, D.C. –  In a stunning turn of events, WTFA-TV, the NBC affiliate in Washington, DC, has come into possession of a number of documents purported to be from the Department of Justice regarding the Fast and Furious gunrunning scandal.

While the House investigation into the scandal focuses on the theory that the gunrunning program is either a botched attempt to track guns from weapons dealers in the U.S. to drug cartels in Mexico, or the much more cynical theory that it was a botched attempt to subvert the second amendment regarding U.S. citizens’ right to bear arms, the new documents appear to point in a much different direction.

In one email from the President to Attorney General Holder, Obama is quoted: “Undocumented immigration from Mexico is becoming a terrible burden on the economy. In addition, I think American citizens have a right to safe and secure borders. We need to come up with a plan to secure the borders and keep this great nation safe.”

The Attorney General’s reply: “We have numerous programs in place, but nothing seems to be very effective. Perhaps, with your keen and insightful intellect, you can devise a way to accomplish this goal without losing the Latino vote. Perhaps the border could be secured, undocumented immigration curtailed, and the whole thing could be made to look as though it was not our doing. That way, we could take credit for a decrease in undocumented immigration, while claiming to the Latino community that it wasn’t our doing.”

The response from the President: “Here’s what we should do: Create a program to increase the flow of weapons into Mexico. It will have to be classified to the highest levels. The larger volume of weapons flowing into Mexico will cause the Mexican government to secure the border from their side, reducing the need for us to commit manpower to the region, as well as lowering enforcement costs, which will help us to lower the deficit.

Naturally, Republicans are up in arms about these documents. Congressman Darrell Issa, Chairman of the House Oversight Committee:”Seriously? Really. Seriously? These documents are obviously faked. I mean, who even talks that way? And the fact that they are dated two years after the operation began is another very big hint.”

But elements of the extreme right wing fringe aside, there seems to be agreement that these documents mark a turning point for the Obama Administration, which has gone from being merely the Greatest Presidency in the History of Everything to being Da Nuclear Bomb of Presidencies. MSNBC host Chris Matthews said,”That thrill up my leg? It’s moved…” He then blushed crimson.

In this reporter’s opinion, this is the most audacious plan one could hope for, and it would have worked, too, if it weren’t for those meddling Republicans. Because, really, untraceable assault weapons smuggled across the border? That would be like an act of war, against a putative ally, and what president would be stupid enough to try that?

Tactical Nuke: Friday, 29 June, 2012

The House has officially found Eric Holder contemptible. They also officially declared him in Contempt of Congress for withholding documents during the Fast and Furious investigation.

Holder responded that it was "regrettable" and that this was motivated by politics during an election year. Hey, he must've been reading mah blog post about that!

Breaking news! Raphael Nadal lost last night to a 100th ranked Czech player at Wimbledon. I'm really trying to care, but it just isn't working. Tennis is one of those "gentleman's sports", which is code word for "boring". It would be better if Tennis was a contact sport.

Scratch that...soccer is technically a contact sport. Tennis would be better if it was a collision sport, like American football. Then it would be cool, and they could play it at better venues than Wimpytown, England.

Charlie Sheen is apparently quitting acting after whatever it is he is doing now. Funny, I thought he quit acting a long long time ago...

Another headline: Sandusky likely to receive pension, despite child abuse. This is not news when many public union workers also are likely to receive pensions, despite taxpayer abuse.

I think my favorite interpretation of Vivaldi's Winter is played by a gal named Mari Samuelsen. I suppose it isn't the best "technical" example, but she treats a violin like Jimmy Paige does an axe.

 Just throwing that out there...

Reader Submissions

As you can see, we at Nuking Politics are publishing reader submissions now. By "we", I mean me, since I am the only writer here so far. But, as I've said before, I like using the royal "we".

But not nearly as much as using the plural "we". If you want to blog, but don't feel like running a blog yourself, have a good sense of humor, and can write, submit your stuff to nukingpolitics@gmal.com.

I'm looking for guest bloggers, sometimes bloggers, fifteen minutes of fame bloggers, and even full time assistant bloggers. I need some people that can tell those pansies on the left what for, interwebs style.

So send in your stuff, and if it's good AND fits the theme of this blog, I'll post it. If you can do so regularly, you just might get an invite to join the blog as a writer.

It's an election year people, unlike any we've seen in over a decade. It's time to get off the couch and into the comfy computer chair. Or stay on the couch if you have a laptop. You know, whatever is most comfortable to write from.

You can submit as much and as often as you like. This isn't a contest with a deadline, it is an open invitation. Please be sure to include "nuking politics" in the subject line, so my spam filter doesn't file it under "suspicious meat-like substance". Also, if you intend to be a blogger here, make sure you have a blogger account through google, or at least a gmail account.

Reader Submission: That Poor Dog

Here's a submission from one of our readers, Charon: 

Bet you thought this was about Obama eating a dog . You're wrong, but that's still pretty funny too. No, this is a post about that stupid, stupid dog the Liberals have. Commerce Clause. It's probably a Jack Russel or something as bewilderingly stupid. Commerce Clause had been smacked on the nose a few years ago, and sent chasing after justification for everything the pinkos want. Today, it reached the end of it's chain, well... Justice Roberts stepped on it's chain, and the once rampant Commerce Clause got clotheslined, like the dog that big rooster used to torment. Whatever happened to him? He seemed like a nice conservative gent...

As it turns out, those commie bums had a plan B; a show dog with one of those long names that no one actually uses. "This isn't a tax, we told you so before we got him, except that it is a tax, and you can actually be taxed for not paying money to a private company". They call him Bubbles for short, though. Bubbles however, has a few failings as a show dog. First, he's still a tax, and a poodle, and no one likes either of those things. So it'll be really hard to get anyone to actually vote for Bubbles in the future. Second, a filibuster can't be used to stop Bubbles from being put down, because he was a tax all along. All the rules and regulations for owning a show quality Comrade Poodle are very, very expensive, more than Bubbles' owner could possibly afford. Almost everyone knows this already, and most people hate the dog on sight. It's one of those things you get to show off to snooty European types and be invited to their dog shows and political parties and whining festivals.

I don't think poodles survive very long after November, they're really easy to kill. Justice Roberts winked at us when he let the poodle pass him. Like he was saying, "I got this one, but you have to handle the poodle yourselves." The U.S.A., the Justice and I know, can stop a poodle. Then feed it to it's owner.

Eat it, Barack. You own the largest tax increase poodle in history, along with Reid and Pelosi. Right before an election, too.

Short version, whipping out the "tax on inactivity" argument to back up the Commerce Clause overextended your reach at the worst possible time. Those of us who still want to live in America, still have to act for ourselves once in a while, and not count on the court to save us. November's just ahead.

Nuke the Punchline: How Can You Tell if Obama's Been in Your House?

Harvey over at IMAO has another straight line of the day up, and so it is time to pick the winners of the last one:

 How can you tell if Obama's been in your house?

#10 Crabby Old Bat: Someone sewed seven extra stars on my flag.

#9 Charon: The only tools left in the garage are a hammer and sickle.

#8 henryflower: The Secret Service has removed all of your cutlery.

#7 phreshone: You go to play solitaire and all you draw are race cards.

#6 ComradeChairmanObama: Freedom and liberty are chained up in the basement.

#5 phreshone: There's no change left in your piggy bank, and there's no hope of finding your dog.

#4 NO_MO_OBAMA: Your bathtub is missing because the EPA declared it a "navigable waterway".

#3 Exile: Your dog is missing and so is your dijonnaise.

#2 Jerry: The windows are fogged and dripping with condescension.


And the best punchline goes to blarg:

You think there's a horse's head in your bed, but realize it's just a passed out Sarah Jessica Parker.

Congratulations blarg!

I'd give an honorable mention to just about everyone who participated in this Straight Line of the Day. Great stuff! I needed a good laugh after today's SCOTUS ruling.

 I didn't get a lot of responses on the last one here, so let's go with a new one:

How can you tell someone is an Obama supporter?

It Really is Bush's Fault!

You can hide behind that flag, but we know where you really stand...

So, the moment we all have been waiting for has come and gone. The Supreme Court has issued their ruling on ObamaCare™. And as we all knew, Justice Kennedy was the deciding factor, and ended up ruling that the mandate is unconstitutional, and along with the more conservative justices was on board with striking down the whole law.

Except that Kennedy wasn't the deciding factor. Instead, Chief Justice John Roberts pulled the old switcheroo on like, everyone, and went with the left side of the court in true Judas Iscariot fashion. And since he was Bush's guy, well, we can officially blame Bush. Obama has been warning us all for years now that everything is Bush's fault, but we just didn't listen. We thought he was just making excuses for being such a miserable failure. But maybe he was just trying to tell us that having him for a president and the terrible things that would come from it, were Bush's fault. He could be right, judging from the only really important ruling so far by Bush's "guy" on the court.

Or maybe not. Something about all of this stinks. And I don't mean the fact that the Supreme Court didn't slam the gavel down on ObamaCare™ and effectively cancelled a lot of parties tonight throughout the country. I mean, the fact that Roberts went with upholding the law. It makes no sense. He isn't a leftist, but far from it. What is going on here? 

Initially, I was a bit upset and disappointed at the ruling, but more and more I've just started to question it and look into what the actual ruling was. If you got the quick headline cliff-notes version of it, then you may not know this, but even the liberal side of the court agreed, apparently with Roberts, that the Commerce Clause is not a constitutional basis for the mandate...which was what the Obama team was arguing for. 

Instead, Roberts called the mandate a tax. It is being argued in various and sundry circles of punditry that what the court did was slam the gavel on the commerce clause, ending decades of precedent. But also, that a new precedent for Congressional power of taxation has been set, and might make things worse. For instance, if the mandate could be considered a constitutional tax to force people to do something, the federal government could:

- Nullify the 2nd Amendment. They can't ban the right to bear arms, but they can tax anyone who does have a weapon, even to the extent that nobody could afford to do so.

- Nullify the right to free speech, as guaranteed in the 1st Amendment by levying taxes on anyone who speaks out against the government.

- Nullify the right to vote, by instituting a tax on federal elections which a voter must pay if they intend to vote. 

The possibilities are endless. The federal government, based on this new precedent, could put such a large tax on anything they want, they could both control the population, as well as keep themselves in power indefinitely, if they so wanted. Of course, the argument here is that in our political system, such a thing could never happen. I am unsure, personally.

Some are even calling what Roberts did "genius", saying that making the ObamaCare™ law a taxation issue will allow it to be overturned by the people, who generally hate taxes, puts the lie to Obama's claim that the mandate isn't a tax, and reigns in the Commerce Clause for the first time in many years.

I haven't quite made up my mind about this one yet, but I'd love to hear your thoughts on it. Please feel free to post below. What do you think about this ruling, and why do you think Roberts, of all people, was the one to side with the health law?

Tactical Nuke: Thursday, 28 June, 2012

Well, today is the big day. The Supreme Court is supposed to announce their ruling on ObamaCare™. About time you punks. I think the SCOTUS just enjoys watching everyone squirm any chance it gets...which aren't many if you think about it. It is pretty rare for like everyone to be waiting on a Supreme Court decision. So the justices are milking this for all it's worth.

That's what I would do anyway. And afterwards, I would write a book about it. Most of the book would be laughing at Obama about how much of a failure he is.

Can a Supreme Court Justice do that?

That's all I got. And if you read this at 11 am Eastern, and the ruling has already gone live...just remember, I wrote this a few hours earlier (just in case I was busy celebrating and stuff).

Faster and Furious-er

Be vewy vewy quiet. I'm hunting the 2nd Amendment.

So, yeah, another day is slowly passing by without the Supreme Court telling us how awful ObamaCare™ is. Which really stinks, because that is the only thing I want to write about right now, since I think it will be a lot of fun. I might start with a half a page of nothing but lololololololol...

Assuming the Supreme Court can read a 6 page document that is. Then again, it could be the 2,000 page document that is confusing.

So, since Fast and Furious is still the rage with the kids these days, I'll discuss it some more. Basically, the word going around the interwebs and stuff is that Fast and Furious was some kind of elaborate ploy to get a bunch of American guns into Mexican cartel hands, so that when those guns are used illegally to kill people and to celebrate Cinco de Mayo, that it can be said that most of the guns being used by these criminals are coming from America. 

This isn't really a new theory, per se, but it has seemed to gain more traction of late. So much so, that some Democrats are now jumping onto the election year grandstanding contempt of executive privilege bandwagon. The claim is that Obama and many of his criminal leftist cronies sought a way to bring up the assault weapons ban again by telling everyone that, as it stood then (in 2009), most guns used in criminal activities in Mexico were from the U.S. When that was exposed as a complete and utter lie from the tongue of the Devil himself somewhat inaccurate, Obama et al decided to use the Fast and Furious gun tracking operation to insert lots of U.S. weapons into Mexico, thereby making what was originally inaccurate into something more truthy.

Kind of like wagging the dog, except in Obama's case, there were no kitchen appliances involved. There are several holes in this theory, however. First, attributing such goal-oriented and critical forward thinking to the Obama team is quite a leap. Nothing that the President and his team has done ever exhibited any ability to plan more than 2 hours ahead, which coincidentally is the minimum time allotted to schedule a tee time at the President's favorite golf course.

The second problem with this theory is that, to date, Joe Biden hasn't uttered a word about it. Everyone knows that Joe Biden considers everything that goes on in the White House to be a big friggin deal, and can't keep his mouth shut about it. In fact, if I were doing the intelligence leaks investigation, I would start with Biden. Who needs sodium pentothal? Just give Joe a couple beers, sit back, and take notes.

Now, I know that you must be thinking they kept Biden in the dark on this. And I'll admit that is a possibility. And you could further argue that maybe there was someone really good at planning things and stuff who was temporarily on the Obama team, so you could discount the first hole I pointed out. Ok, I'll give you that one.

But that leaves the third, and most glaring hole in this theory: everything Obama does fails. Utterly and absolutely. Anything that succeeds, sure, he tries to take credit for. But anything he is actually involved with as President has been a complete and total failure. So knowing this, how can we account for the fact that, as far as this theory goes, Fast and Furious was actually a success? Exactly, you can't.

Myth busted.

Reader Submission: Obama to Skip Convention

One of our readers, Arik, sent this little gem of "fake news", and I felt obliged to print it for all to see. Good job Arik!

Obama to Skip Convention

(APYL) CHARLOTTE, NC- In a surprise move, President Obama today announced that he will not attend the Democratic National Convention in Charlotte, North Carolina, in August. This would mark the first time a presidential candidate has missed the convention at which he was to be nominated.

This move, described as “the Nuclear Option,” comes as a number of other prominent Democrats, including West Virginia Senator Joe Manchin and Missouri Senator Claire McCaskill, have also chosen to skip the convention in order to focus on what promise to be difficult reelection campaigns.

Said the President: “I have a lot of work to do for the people, and they need me to do it. It’s important that I so what they need me to do and I won’t let them down. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to make this putt to save par.”

Asked whether this move means the President is considering the possibility of dropping out as the Democratic Candidate, Vice President Joe Biden replied, “Give up? H***, no! We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender!”

Presidential Press Secretary Jay Carney commented, “The President inherited a bad economy from his predecessor.” His head then spun around 360 degrees and pea green vomit spewed from his mouth.

Republican National Committee President Reince Priebus noted, “It’s obvious that Democrats in tight races don’t want to be seen and identified with an increasingly unpopular President who is pushing an increasingly unpopular agenda. However, it appears the President thinks the problem is with the convention, not his policies and himself. I think this bodes well for the election of Romney to the presidency, especially if we can get the Blue Fairy to turn him into a real boy.”

Anonymous sources within the White House say that the President’s chief campaign advisors are quite pleased at the move, claiming that skipping the convention will allow the President to attend three days worth of fundraisers that they otherwise would not be able to schedule.

An APYL poll reveals that, while people are highly motivated and enthusiastic about voting, they are also confused at how the two major political parties could manage to nominate two candidates that pretty much no one is enthusiastic about voting for.(AI)

Nuke the Punchline: Obama Walks into a Bar

Harvey over at IMAO has another straight line of the day up, and so it is time to pick the winners of the last one:

Obama walks into a bar...

 #5 Laurence Simon:

President Obama walks into a bar and orders a beer.
“Can I see some ID?” says the bartender.
“I’m the president!” says Obama. “Don’t you recognize me?”
“That’s nice,” says the bartender. “But I need to see some ID. This is a bar, not a polling place.”

#4 NO_MO_BAMA:

A nun, a priest, an Irishman, a Scotsman, a rabbi and a blonde and President Obama walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them and asks, “Is this some kind of joke?”

#3 blarg: …cause that’s what happens when you keep lowering it.

#2 Bob in Feenicks: Joe Biden walks into a bra...

And the best punchline goes to zzyzx:

While campaining for her…President Obama and Elizabeth Warren walk into a bar and sat down for a couple of beers. A few minutes later, a secret service agent walked in and said,
“Who owns the big black dog outside?”
“I do”, President Obama replied. “Why?”
The agent replied, “You better take care of him. He¹s almost dead from the heat.”
The president and Elizabeth Warren rushed outside and found Bo leaning against a fire hydrant, panting. They got him some water and soon he was looking better, but he was still panting.
The president said, “Elizabeth, run around Bo as fast as you can and see if the breeze makes him feel any better.
Elizabeth replied, “Sure, Mr. President,” and began running around and around Bo as fast as she could. The president returned to the bar to finish his beer.
A few minutes later, another secret service agent came into the bar and asked, “Who owns that big black dog outside?”
“I do,” the president said, “What’s wrong with him this time?”
“Nothin’,” the agent said, “But you left your Injun runnin’.”

Congratulations zzyzx!

Now here's a line for you guys to fool around with:

 What's Obama's favorite song?

Another tough one, but a lot of places to go with it.

Tactical Nuke: Tuesday, 27 June, 2012

It's Wednesday, which means the Supreme Court is still holding out on us. Come on already! Spill it!

Good news: College Football will have a playoff starting in 2014. Except it is 4 teams...so not really a playoff. More like a sweet TV deal for ESPN with the same lousy outcome as in past years, but they can call it "playoff".

I'm starting to wonder if College Football isn't actually run by school presidents, but by Congress.

So...Syria shoots down Turkish plane. Turkey does nothing. Syria shoots down another one. Turkey shakes fist. Russia offers Syria more ammo. Obama plays another round at his favorite club.

Obama: Let me be clear, I like Turkey. But not as much as dog.

Governor Jan Brewer of Arizona is saying that Obama has basically told Arizona to "drop dead". I'd say that giving thousands of weapons to gangs on the Arizona border was pretty much an indication that she is on to something.

Maybe Russia will offer the cartels some weapons too. Giving the bad guys guns does seem to be their thing now.

Nuked Link of the Day: MSNBC Host Owned by Young Republican

PJMedia posted the following clip of MSNBC's Toure being lambasted by a 23 year old Republican, Alex Schriver, after basically insulting him for being a Republican:

If that doesn't make you want to go "muahahahaha", I dunno what does.

The only problem was that the clip didn't always show the look on Toure's face whilst he was being schooled. They should have done a split-screen, with slow-motion replay.

Nuke the Punchline: Obama Likes Golf SO Much

Harvey over at IMAO has another straight line of the day up, and so it is time to pick the winners of the last one:

President Obama likes golf SO much...

#5 tomg51: he quit his day job 3 1/2 years ago. 

#4 Harvey: that he turned the entire economy into a sand trap.

#3 Edthepastor: he turned the housing market into a water hazard.

#2 Charon: because when he hooks one into the rough, he can blame the Bush.


And the best punchline goes to Apostic:

President Obama likes golf SO much...he put down billions on what he thought were greens jobs.

Congratulations Apostic!


This was one really tough, the punchlines are getting better and better. I might have to start picking the best 10 instead of 5.

And one to try out here:

How do you confuse Joe Biden?

The last one was tough, so I thought I'd give you an easy one.

It's a Slow News Day

 Yes, I made Stuxnet. Now get me a martini.

I remember way back during the weekend how everyone on the weekend news shows and stuff were talking about this being, like, the biggest week in politics since last week. All of this stuff was supposed to happen and change the face of the world forever. One pundit even called it a "political nuclear bomb", though he might have just been talking about this website. That sounds good, I'll have that.

So, well, hmm. It's Tuesday, and nothing interesting has happened yet. Well, there was the Arizona immigration law ruling from the Supreme Court yesterday. But that wasn't exactly a big political bombshell. It was more like watching batting practice instead of the actual game. And Fast and Furious is still dominating the headlines...but it hasn't really gotten any faster or furiouser.

And then there is more Republican political maneuvering and finger pointing and stuff with the supposed leaked intelligence or whatever. More grandstanding during an election year. As if secret information is such a big deal. Think about it, if you were a spy, wouldn't you want everyone to know it? Of course! That's how James Bond got all the cool cars and pretty supermodel girlfriends and things like that. Because he went around like "I'm a spy, I made Stuxnet. Get me a martini". Works for him, so leaking stuff like that can't be a big deal.

No, there is something else missing in the news. Something was supposed to happen this week but it didn't, so the news sites are just recycling stories about Syira shooting down Turk fighter jets, and Turkey threatening to write a very mean letter to them about it.

I guess what I am getting at here is that the Supreme Court has pretty much let everyone down by not releasing their ObamaCare™ ruling. They had until Monday morning at whatever time I got out of bed to issue it, and they didn't. And now the whole news world has ground to a halt. Way to go Supreme Court. What am I going to blog about now, huh?

Look, I understand this whole putting that uppity Obama on ice thing, but you've gone too far. Now we have to wait until Thursday to hear what they came up with. Which means there is still Wednesday to slog through with nothing interesting happening. And by interesting, I mean the Supreme Court ruling on ObamaCare™. That was what is supposed to be the big bombshell this week. Who waits until Thursday to drop a bombshell?

I bet those black-robed justices are sitting around drinking martinis and laughing at us.

Tactical Nuke: Tuesday, 26 June, 2012

The SCOTUS struck down most of the Arizona immigration law. Both Obama and Gov. Brewer claim it is a victory, which makes no sense whatsoever. I say they arm wrestle over it. My money is on Brewer.

In other news, the SCOTUS didn't release their ruling on ObamaCare™ today, which is annoying.

Facebook has decided to change your email address linked to your Facebook account. They are also planning to change your actual home address too, and will come collect you to live in their Facebook compound by the end of the year.

Obama's Failure is Complete

Your failure is complete.

For a while now, we've all heard from people that try to give the horrible failure of a president, absolute clown of a leader, and incredibly incompetent head of the executive branch, Community Organizer Obama the benefit of the doubt by saying "well he was good at diplomacy and warmongering and stuff". Now, as our helmeted friend above has declared: his failure is complete.

Exhibit A: The Middle East. Or more specifically, Egypt. At the rally, or inauguration, or whatever, of the new Egyptian President, who is apparently a member of the Muslim Brotherhood, a brotherhood Imam announced that the new capital will not be Cairo, or even Mecca, but Jerusalem (Al-Quds). And then he started, like, singing. And some occupiers were apparently in the crowd, because there was a drum circle going down. 

You may be wondering, what was he singing? Well, he was singing about millions of martyrs marching on Jerusalem, and something about not letting Jews sleep, and that everyone that believes in martyrdom are Hamas. The scary part is that the whole crowd was repeating everything the guy said. (Rabbi Live linked a video on YouTube showing it here btw).

Mubarak, the guy that was displaced in Egypt, was a bad dude, no question. But he had no problem working with Israel and the United States. I don't know if Obama knew that or not, but either way, he completely dropped the ball last year when the Arab Spring hit Egypt. Many experts warned that the Muslim Brotherhood would move in to fill the gap when Mubarak fell. Now that has happened. And we are still waiting for whatever will happen in Libya, where Obama ceded control of joint western interdiction to European allies, instead of leading it, and hopefully having some influence on it's ultimate outcome.

Not to mention Iran, which is still a wildcard in the Middle East and could be far closer to a nuclear bomb than anyone could guess, if they don't have one already. What I am trying to say here is that, Obama's foreign policy was nothing more than Bush on cruise control and a bunch of drone strikes. And since the world is always in a state of flux, you can't just go on cruise control. Nor can drone strikes solve real diplomatic problems.

I don't think Obama actually cared much about foreign affairs...he was too busy golfing and trying to change his own country into something he liked, to care about other people in other places (like Mexico for instance). Obama isn't strong on foreign policy. In fact, he has been a complete and utter failure on it, much like everything else he has done.

Now, according to the collective groan coming out of Israel lastnight, his failure is complete.

Nuke the Punchline: Obama Administration - How Many to Screw in a Light Bulb?

With a new Straight Line of the Day up at IMAO, it's time to pick the winners of the last one:

How many members of the Obama Administration does it take to screw in a light bulb?


#5 D***Cat: The light bulb can't be screwed in because of the obstructionist Republican Congress.

#4 Docwatson55: None - They're completely in the dark and don't even realize it.

#3 Andy C: What are you talking about? That old light bulb's doing fine.


#2 Jimmy: it's Bush's fault since the light bulb burnt out during his administration!

And the best punchline goes to Charon:

Two, Obama to hold the light bulb, and Carney provides the spin.

Congratulations Charon!


Now here is one to play with on here:

What's the Best Thing About Obama?

 This one might be difficult, but I have faith in you guys.

Tactical Nuke: Monday, 25 June, 2012

The Muslim Brotherhood won in Egypt. Campaign promises include: free school lunches for little Muslim boys and girls, death to Jews and Coptic Christians, and wiping Israel off the map.

Syria shot down a Turkish fighter jet. Apparently they thought it was an actual flying Jew. According to an Israeli Air Force spokesperson, if it had been an actual flying Jew, Syria would not have been able to shoot it down. #sixdaywar

The U.S. Supreme Court may announce their ruling on ObamaCare™ as early as today. Assuming that happens, we can expect the Obama campaign to shift gears and start touting their success with...um...something. I'm sure Obama has accomplished something else, I just don't know what it could be.

Ah, I remember. The Fast and Furious campaign to make guns look bad. Oh wait...

Sixteen Trill, and What Do You Get?

I've been getting a lot of stuff from the readers in response to my asking for submissions here.

Last week over at IMAO Havey, via 4of7, linked a somewhat outdated parody of Tennessee Ernie Ford's song "Sixteen Tons".

Well, one of the intrepid readers of Nuking Politics came up with their own version of the lyrics, updated for accuracy:

 16 Trill
by Sharky

Some people say the gov'mint needs more & more -
Let's tax the rich to help the poor.
The Prez says the rich got all they need,
He won't be happy until they bleed.

You spend 16 trill, & what do ya get?
America's people are drownin' in debt.
Obama keeps a-cryin' the rich must pay
But all their money can't save the day.

The gov'mint just wants to spend and spend.
They think the party'll never end.
Economy's a-sinkin', there ain't no jobs,
But ev'ry Dem just robs & robs.

You spend 16 trill, & what do ya get?
America's people are drownin' in debt.
Obama keeps a-cryin' the rich must pay
But all their money can't save the day.

Us voters need to reign 'em in.
Out with the old, let's vote new in.
I get on my knees ev'ry night & pray
November 6th is Judgement Day.

You spend 16 trill, & what do ya get?
America's people are drownin' in debt.
Obama keeps a-cryin' the rich must pay
But all their money can't save the day.

Well done Sharky!

Now if we could only find someone to sing it Tennessee Ernie Ford style.

Tactical Nuke: Sunday, 24 June, 2012

The Sandusky legal team is whining about the case being decided too quickly. Perhaps that had something to do with so much evidence against their rather creepy client.

An American, Ashton Eaton, set a new world record in the Decathlon at the U.S. Olympic trials in Oregon. Aren't you supposed to do that sort of thing at the actual Olympics?

"'Wilfred' star opens up about the perils of wearing a dog suit". I'm guessing one of those perils is that, for some odd reason, the secret service keeps following him around.

Ever heard of the "Ugliest Dog" competition? Well this year's winner is Mugly, and he is awful ugly. The rescue dog is a real inspiration to ugly dogs all over the world. The President himself said "I'd eat that".

"Do dogs really like to surf?" Well, that depends on whether or not Obama is chasing them over water.

Seriously, this stuff writes itself...

So the bullied bus monitor charity has reached $600,000. I'm not entirely sure why people are throwing money at her like that, and I suspect she doesn't know either. But it does kind of kill the whole leftist theory about needing welfare programs because people are too greedy and heartless.

I mean, the United States is like the charity capital of the world, but leftists still think we need government to take care of poor people. I think using that as an argument, in light of this bus lady, is kind of retarded. And leftists are fat and stupid. #bullyingtheleft

I guess Obama doesn't trust or like Latinos much. He came to talk to them at a dinner and had all of their pointy dining utensils confiscated. Par for the course really, considering his apparent apathy about Fast and Furious.

All links provided by Fox News.com. Because linking Fox News is almost as good as punching a hippie.

Almost.

Nuked Link of the Day: Conan O'Brien and Joe Kennedy III

Coco!

So I was looking around the interwebs, gathering data on upcoming races this election cycle, other than the obvious Presidential election, and read up a bit on the race for Barney Frank's seat in Massachusetts. The candidates are Marine Corps Major Sean Bielat, a Republican, and Joe Kennedy III, a Kennedy. I couldn't help but notice Joey's resemblance to Conan O'Brien...

Apparently, that was pointed out months ago here.

Maybe Kennedy can try the "Vote Coco!" thing.

Nerf the White Class

Yeah, down with Whitey!

Apparently, some group in Duluth, Minnesota felt it was necessary to combat rampant racism in their town, and decided to fight back by using billboards telling white people how racist they all are. It makes sense; all white people, as is well known and documented, are seething racists. They're also all blind to the racism problem in Duluth and elsewhere, because if you are white, then you can't see racism.

See, the problem is that all white people keep viewing other races as stereotypes. Not all black people like chicken, for instance. Not all Latinos are from Mexico, or even speak Spanish. Not all Asians know martial arts. Stereotypes do not define a race of people. Unfortunately, all white people can't understand this. They are all born with the inability to see people of other races for what they truly are: unique individuals.

If all white people were unique individuals with different views, opinions, and experiences as are people in other races, then perhaps they wouldn't all be so racist. But as we all know, white people are all like carbon copies of each other. They all look the same, dress the same, act the same, and can't play basketball or dance.

These are well known scientific™ facts, so what can be done about white people all being so racist by nature? If it was just that white people are white, maybe spray-on tans would help them see the plight of other races. But it must be genetic or something. That is why the Unfair Campaign in Duluth used genetically-targeted billboards. It is their belief that these billboards will allow white people to understand how absolutely racist they all are by making them feel guilty about being white.

And they should feel guilty. They all gamed the system by choosing to be white in the first place prior to birth, kind of like when you play an online computer game and choose the class that has all the best powers and stuff. So, like everyone chooses to be that class. That is why there are so many white people in America, and everyone else are called "minorities", which is clearly racist.

The white class really needs to be hit with the nerf bat, to make it more fair.

Feel free to comment below. Please keep it civil and respect my no-cussin' policy.

Tactical Nuke: Saturday, 23 June, 2012

In Duluth, Minnesota, some group decided to "fight back" against racism, by being racist.

I think I am going to start linking everything to Fox News, because it annoys leftists for some reason.

So, if you are still a racist, or a Democrat, then you obviously haven't read my blog post about labels.

Or you are a Nazi.

Republicans in Congress need to stop focusing on stupid issues like Fast and Furious and people dying from it and recognize the national emergencies we face in Major League Baseball and Professional Boxing.

There was an article on Fox News today about nobody caring about Justin Bieber. But I can't find it. So does that mean it was the last article about that guy? Please?

Can we fire Kim Kardashian too? I'm still unsure what exactly it is she does.

Nuke The Punchline: Why Did Obama Cross the Road

So Harvey over at IMAO suggested to me that I should pick the best punchlines from his "Why did Obama cross the road?" bit, and post the winners here. Sounded like a great idea to me, and so without further adieu, here are my favorite punchlines:

#5 TiminAL: Chihauhau

#4 Jimmy: Because there was a dog over there and he was hungry

#3 AlexC: To subsidize the chicken on the other side...which then declared bankruptcy

#2 Les: It's Bush asphalt


And my favorite punchline goes to 4of7:

Because the car was in the ditch and the Republicans wouldn't share their slurpies with him.

Congratulations 4of7!

Now I have one for you guys. See what you can come up with, and maybe I can convince Harvey to pick the best one over at IMAO.

What did Obama say to the dog?

Post your punchline in the comments section below. If you want credit, we need a name or nickname or something. Also remember my no-cussin' policy.

Why We See the Left as Losers

Yes Michael, we know...

The left just doesn't understand how the rest of the world, and especially those on the right, views them. Or, more specifically, why we view them that way. They seem convinced that others don't like them or are shocked when they do things, like talk, because of their views. But it isn't their views that disturb so many of us, since we've all mostly considered their childish ideologies to be just that: childish. No, it is their behavior that annoys and in some cases shocks other people. 

For instance, a bunch of gay pride people were invited into the White House today to attend some kind of thing about being proud about being gay. I'm not entirely sure what they are proud of exactly, I'm straight but I don't run around telling people about it and attending White House events to celebrate it, but to each their own. And the White House apparently is proud of it too, or something, so they had all these people over.

I dunno about you guys, but if I got invited to the White House for something, the first thing I would do is to be courteous and gracious, and all of those pleasant things that we're taught to do and be when you're being given a special honor. The last thing I would do is prance around posing for the camera flipping off portraits of past presidents, such as Reagan, also known as "The Great One".

But several of these gay-proud people did exactly that. Now, I don't think for a minute that all gay people, even the proud ones, are exclusively leftist. But it does seem that most are, or at least the vocal ones are. So, I'm not here to condemn all gay people as uncouth individuals that can't behave properly in public. But, if you've ever seen a gay pride parade whether on TV or in person, you'll notice that proper behavior is not exactly a virtue there. But then if you've ever seen occupiers or your average run-of-the-mill leftist protest or event, you'll see the same thing.

They constantly stand behind the freedom of speech, which I know that those of us on the right cherish along with all of our inalienable rights. But they fail to acknowledge the burden of responsibility that comes with having such rights. They confuse being legally allowed to behave like a moron with the responsibility to not be such a jack wagon in public. And then they get upset when the rest of the country has no respect for them, due to such behavior. They have a right to act that way, but we aren't obliged to accept that behavior.

As an example of how those on the left just don't understand personal responsibility, one of the gay-proud people who attended the White House thingy said that they hate Reagan because he "has blood on his hands...was in the White House as AIDS exploded". So the spread of AIDS particularly among the gay community, but also among the general population was somehow Reagan's fault, instead of the consequence of poor lifestyle choices.

Once again, with the left, it is never about themselves being the problem, it is everyone else who is the problem. It's the country. It's the Jews. It's the Republicans. It's Bush. It's the racists or the homophobes. The Christians or other religious people. That's the problem. That's why everyone thinks they are losers, right?

No, my leftist friends, it's YOU.

Feel free to comment below. Please keep it civil and respect my no-cussin' policy.

Nuked Link of the Day: To Shutdown Conservative Speech

This isn't all really news to us on the right, but it was nice of Soopermexican to put it all down on digital paper in a clear and cohesive explanation, and a call to arms of sorts. It's a pretty good post about what the left is trying to do this election by attempting to silence those of us on the right.

 As we trudge our way to election day 2012, more and more malfeasance by the liberal Left is being uncovered by the unsung heroes of this election cycle – the bloggers.

You can read the rest at his blog.

I'll use this as another shameless plug to start blogging on your own, blog with me, or submit stuff to conservative blogs. Let's show the left what happens when they try to shut us up: talk more, more loudly, and more annoyingly.

It works for my kids anyway...