Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Joe Biden's New Year Resolutions

Whether anyone noticed or not, I’ve been largely absent for a bit.  My man in State was busy tending to Hillary’s yeast infection, so my information source dried up for a while.  Obamacare didn’t pay for the one day remedy only the old week long treatment, so it took  him a while to cure his boss.  But he’s back now, and he managed to get his hands on Joe’s new year resolutions.  Here they are.
·         Get treated for my addiction to prescription laxatives.
·         Do my part to help the economy by throwing rocks through as many windows as I can.
·         Help the current Bo escape with his life.
·         Help Barack stop emitting carbon dioxide.
·         Raise taxes on the 49% who didn’t vote for me.
·         Obtain my GED.
·         Find a better hiding place for my non-Michelle approved snacks.
·         Develop a resistance to iocaine powder.
·         Learn to dress myself.
·         Make it all the way through How to Train Your Dragon without covering my eyes during the scary parts.
·         Receive counseling for my penis envy.
·         Become the first mentally challenged President by the end of the year.
·         Buy copious copies of Uncle Sid’s Guide to Home School Your Hellions for myself and all my friends and enemies.  It’s for charity.

1 comment:

  1. I think Joe should buy copious copies using his Boss's credit card. I thought the price on your book was gonna go up after Christmas, Uncle Sid. It's for charity.