Whether anyone noticed or not, I’ve been largely absent for a bit. My man in State was busy tending to Hillary’s yeast infection, so my information source dried up for a while. Obamacare didn’t pay for the one day remedy only the old week long treatment, so it took him a while to cure his boss. But he’s back now, and he managed to get his hands on Joe’s new year resolutions. Here they are.
· Get treated for my addiction to prescription laxatives.
· Do my part to help the economy by throwing rocks through as many windows as I can.
· Help the current Bo escape with his life.
· Help Barack stop emitting carbon dioxide.
· Raise taxes on the 49% who didn’t vote for me.
· Obtain my GED.
· Find a better hiding place for my non-Michelle approved snacks.
· Develop a resistance to iocaine powder.
· Learn to dress myself.
· Make it all the way through How to Train Your Dragon without covering my eyes during the scary parts.
· Receive counseling for my penis envy.
· Become the first mentally challenged President by the end of the year.
· Buy copious copies of Uncle Sid’s Guide to Home School Your Hellions for myself and all my friends and enemies. It’s for charity.