Now that the Inauguration is over with, it’s time for Obama to focus on the start of his next term. My man in State got his hands on Barack’s list of goals for the first 100 days when he now has more flexibility. Here they are. Forewarned is forearmed.
· Replace Eric Holder with Vin Diesel, since he tends to be more knowledgeable and forthcoming with questions about Fast and Furious.
· Ban the New Testament on the grounds that it is anti-Semitic.
· Draft Manti Te’o to propose all of my spending cuts, since they will be imaginary anyway.
· Establish the Department of Community Organizing and put them in charge of all voter registration.
· Install Al Gore as the administration’s official Propaganda Minster, since everybody loves a happy ending.
· Rename the Department of Education, the Department of Re-Education, and appoint Bill Ayers as Secretary.
· Establish all US military bases and battlefields worldwide as Gun-Free-Zones.
· Learn Mandarin.
· Stimulate the economy by raising the debt limit and borrowing another trillion dollars from China. (I was supposed to be stimulating the Chinese economy, right)?
· In the name of diversity, develop a taste for cats, gerbils, parakeets and honkies instead of just canines.
· Check with Beelzebub and see what else I can get for Biden’s soul.
· Finally make par on that hole with the windmill.
· Get a bigger bus for the next term.
· Amend Obamacare to require funding for late term abortions up to and including the 300th trimester.
· Get EHS to decree that conservatism is a mental illness that would preclude one from owning a firearm.
· Give Chris Matthews such a tingle it requires hospitalization.
· Apply to Al Jazeera America to try out for their new reality show, Sleeper Cell.
· Get all those Volts off the cinderblocks on the White House lawn.
· Officially have the length of a year redefined so I can extend my Presidency indefinitely.