Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Punchline Nuker of the Year 2012

The time has finally come to announce the winner of the prestigious Nuking Politics Punchline Nuker of the Year Award. Normally this is done at a ceremony in Oslo, but we don't want our reputation sullied by that other award they keep handing out willy nilly to people that don't deserve it.

Since humor is pretty subjective, and I had to pick a winner between Rodney Dill and Bob in Feenicks who ended the year with a tie, I enlisted the help of Harvey and three members of the Nuking Politics team. I chose five of my favorite punchlines from each of the contestants, mixed them up without the authors names and we all ranked them from best to not the best.

I based each straight line on a 5 point system with 1 point being "funny" and 5 points being "absolutely hilarious". Here are the results:

#1 Rodney Dill: President Obama's "secret weapon" in the debate is...fear… and surprise… his two chief weapons in the debate are fear and surprise… and the ability to fluidly fabricate lies…no, his three chief weapons are fear, surprise, the ability to fluidly fabricate lies, …. and he’s married to a wookie… wait a minute… let me come in again.

Score: 3.9

#2 Bob in Feenicks: Thanksgiving at the White House:...Obama continued the presidential Thanksgiving tradition by giving Bo a pardon.

Score: 3.7

#3 Bob in Feenicks: The worst thing happened to Obama on the golf course...he was told if he got the ball into the clown’s mouth he could get a hole-in-one, but he ended up giving Biden a concussion instead.

Score: 3.6

#4 Bob in Feenicks: The weirdest thing about Biden's DNC speech...was that he spoke slowly so blind people could hear him.

Score: 3.5

#5 Bob in Feenicks: The Obama administration is proposing to replace the Constitution...with something less CONservative and more PROgressive: the PROstitution!

Score: 2.9

#6 Bob in Feenicks: After declaring bankruptcy, Hostess Bakeries...expressed concern that Michelle’s butt is too big to fail.

Score: 2.5

#7 Rodney DillHave you seen how they decorated the White House for Halloween? ...The decorations are so ‘dead’ oriented the WH looks like the Chicago polls on election day.

Score: 2.3

#8 Rodney Dill: GM's rolling out a new electric car...in honor of Mr. President, GM announces the new DOLT.

Score: 2.1

#9 Rodney Dill: The craziest new rule issued under ObamaCare:...Pastafarians will be required to worship a gluten free deity.

Score: 2.0

#10 Rodney Dill: Now that Hostess has been defeated, Michelle...will lose 1 dress size and 2 butt sizes.

Score: 1.5

Total Average

Bob in Feenicks: 3.24
Rodney Dill: 2.36

So after all of that calculating, I am happy to announce that the Punchline Nuker of the Year for 2012 is Bob in Feenicks.

Congratulations Bob! Here is your Major Award:

Along with the graphic, you are also entitled to an open invitation to blog at Nuking Politics. Contact nukingpolitics@gmail.com for more information.

Also, based on comments from the voters and my own personal opinion, we at Nuking Politics would like to offer the same open invitation to blog here to Rodney Dill. This really was a ridiculously close contest and it could have gone to either of you.

So congratulations to you both and lets look forward to another year of nuking them punchlines.


  1. Congrats Bob

    Keln, Thanks for your offer to post at Nuking Politics.

    I tried a little blogging at WizbangBlog and Outsidethebeltway for a while, but sort of just defaulted to running the twice a week caption contest at Outsidethebeltway for the last eight years. I thinks I actually would be allowed to post serious content there if I chose, but most satire or humor I might otherwise do might not fit that blog (My opinion, I haven't talked to James Joyner about it.)

    If I think I have enough to say and enough time to say it I'll contact the email address you provided. Fortunately I still have a pretty good day job.

  2. Do you think Obama has the Comfy Chair?

  3. Thanks guys. This is a great honor.

    And I want to tip my hat to the other participants who made this a competition, especially Rodney Dill who made this a horse race in the end. I admire your ability to crank out those punchlines.

    I'm not sure I'm ready to go 'pro' yet (or whatever you would call it), but if there's no expiration date on the offer, I might take you up on it in the future, if I can ever bring 'teh funneh' in more than one or two sentences.

    1. Just jump on in. The water's fine. I was hesitant myself, and no one kicked me off the blog yet, probably because I help make everyone else look better by contrast. Worst case, you don't make any more money for Keln not to pay us with.

  4. I think you bloggers should unionize and demand fair wages from Keln!