I'm sort of in trouble with Mrs. Keln. Because I bought a banjo. Apparently, I've been talking about buying (or threatening to buy) a banjo for some time now. Probably years. And she was sort of planning on buying me one for my birthday this year. Who knew? I mean, she hates me even trying to play a guitar and forget a fiddle (which I am lousy at) or singing (which I think I am fair at), so I thought music was self-gift free territory.
Once again, no man understands women until they're dead. The men I mean. Women go on living longer than men, which is quite unfair. When a man figures women out, he dies so he can't do anything with his new-found wisdom. That might be encoded in our DNA or something. Like...if you figure women out, you will have a life-ending heart attack, no matter how old you are. So, from this moment on, I refuse to try and understand women anymore. I'll live forever in ignorance.
Still, I am sort of wondering what else I could have got for my birthday if I had talked about it enough. I mean, I have always wanted a banjo (I used to pretend my Louisville Slugger was a banjo when I was a kid while listening to bluegrass), but there are better things I could have dropped hints about.
Like a new president. That would have been a great gift for my birthday. I mean...the one we are stuck with for the next for years...that's like getting a cheap tourist ukelele when you wanted a Les Paul guitar. You'll settle for a Yamaha, but geez...a fake ukelele with plastic strings? That is what Obama is. What a horrible gift.
So...what should I try and get her to buy me now?