Thursday, April 4, 2013

Nuke the Punchline Twofer: Apple Texas Surplus iBillions

Harvey over at IMAO has another straight line of the day up, and so it is time to pick the winners of the last one and the one before that too.

Tuesday's Line:

Apple was denied a trademark for the word "mini", but did manage to trademark...

#5 can of spam: turtlenecks and smug expressions.

#4 blarg: ...”Apple” so they’re abandoning their technology business and just suing farmers all over the world for royalties.

#3 Rodney Dill: ...iSpanishInquisition...that was unexpected.

#2 tomg51: ...arrogance.

And the best line goes to Dohtimes:

Apple was denied a trademark for the word "mini", but did manage to trademark the iBiden which has no memory or useful functions and in fact nobody wants or needs but we have to pay for. Instructions for use only include the reckless discharge of firearms and making bigoted remarks in public. Does come with a fuzzy cover and shuts off automatically if confronted with a logic problem.

Congratulations Dohtimes.


Wednesday's line:

Texas is running an $8 billion surplus which it will spend...

#5 CCO: secure it’s borders; perhaps even the southern one.

#4 blarg: ...on a new, even bigger “Big Tex” that can be seen from across the country and can point at liberal states and laugh.

#3 walruskkkch: ...rather than give back to the taxpayers. I’m sensing a disturbance in the force as if millions of conservatives suddenly cried out in anguish.

#2 Bob in Feenicks: ...on weaponizing chili.

And the best line goes to don'tplayrockytop:

Texas is running an $8 billion surplus which it will spend constructing its own intercontinental ballistic missile capable of wiping out Pyongyang. Payload will consist of Chuck Norris. 

Congratulations rockytop.


The best punchline for the last Nuking Politics straight line was from A Guy Named Rob

To combat the growing child hunger problem, Michelle Obama...will declare success to her healthy lunch program and go on vacation.

Congratulations Rob.


Now here's a line for you guys to play with:

In a surprise move, Al Gore has come out in favor of...


  1. ...the fossil fuels industry after receiving a generous check from a mysterious benefactor name "Al J. Zeera".

  2. ...same-sex immigration and illegal marriage. -Being Al Gore means being cutting-edge.

  3. ...inner Chakra release being covered by Obamacare, or at least free mirror coverage so he can find his outer Chakra.