Tuesday, April 16, 2013

♫ Whistle While You Work ♫


(Read in a sing-songy...extra high voice)

It looks as though sweet Harvey has sent over male blogger number seven to our little Nuking Politics.  At last! My gaggle of dwarves is complete.

♫ La la la la LAAAAAA ♫

I'll be your Snow White! I can't wait to dance around the blog and bake cookies.  I'll sing happily and keep house...I mean "keep blog". I will make you all very happy. :)

I think now that we're official, my dwarves should have more authentic dwarf names. Since I've been watching you closely over the last several months, I have some perfect ones in mind.


walkingdead will hereby be known as FLAKY.  He is brilliant and witty but very inconsistent. His lack of capitalization and punctuation is making Keln seriously ill. In addition, I'm worried that he seems to believe himself to be a *plugs ears*...... democrat..... *shudder*. He could really use our help. He loves baseball and beer but REALLY...he REALLY just needs a WOMAN. Maybe you other guys could help set him up? Until then, we won't be giving him anything too important to do.  FLAKY, go dig me up some pretty diamonds.

Hunter will be known as WORDY. That works for me as I like words best of all. "Hunter" is not a good name. That makes me think of the guy who was planning to kill me and take my heart back in a box. I don't think I need to be reminded of THAT every time I call him.  However, his hunting skills could come in handy. He could be my body guard! And maybe he could shoot me a yummy boneless skinless chicken breast or maybe a filet mignon. That'd be wonderful. Oh and that aquaponics thing?  I LOVE fish. I can't wait to taste them! I'd also LOVE IT if you wrote long LONG stories and poems about my beauty and charms.  Use the format of your tooth fairy notes. That would be pretty :) You will be very busy.  I'm sure you won't mind. :)

Lactose the Intolerant will now be SNAUGHTY.  Quick with the one-liners, this dwarf can keep me laughing, though I'm pretty sure I don't want to know all of the implications of his words.  I originally thought "Naughty" would be best for him, since I believe he is the only blogger for whom Keln has had to delete an ENTIRE post for being too risque.  I added the "S" because he is also a huge SNOT. I expect him to keep me laughing but keep it clean. Maybe I will employ FLAKY as his editor as they speak the same language, and I do not. I happen to know that he can cook as well.  WORDY will shoot my food and SNAUGHTY will prepare it. Oh, and if he has any time left for his drug job...he could share any fun samples with his co-dwarves.

Arik will be BRASHFUL.  Always trying to solve America's problems, this dwarf is not shy. He will be allowed to continue to make clever plans as long as he gets my approval before he posts them.  I just wanna make sure he's thought of EVERYTHING. The female mind is superior at seeing the big picture, you know.  I will not mind helping out my BRASHFUL at ALL! He can show me where all the pretty places are to take walks and he can preview all my movies to make sure I will like them before I see them.  Of course, he's always welcome to write nice things about me as well. *sparkling smile*  

Les is most definitely SKETCHY. I'm so glad he is here!  Now we have someone to add illustrations to our lovely words. Words are beautiful, and pictures only make them better.  He can be in charge of illustrating all of the nice things the others write about me.  I can't wait to see them!

Springeraz is my NEWBIE. It's always fun to have a fresh perspective and NEWBIE can give it.  He can write with a fresh eye about all of the good things about me. We're so lucky he is here!

Keln, our fearless leader, is SQUAWK.  Always ready to wield the grammar hammer, he keeps us safe from the threat of bad formatting. Whenever anybody needs help or suggestions, Squawk always knows exactly what to say. He knows more about everything than ANYBODY except me, so if I'm not available, SQUAWK is your guy.  I'm not so sure about banjo music yet, but I'm willing to give it a try for my beloved SQUAWK. I hear he's sharing his diamonds, now, and as soon as I've chosen all the ones I want, I'll be sure to let all my sweet dwarves share the leftovers.

Oh, and just one more *teensy* detail for my beloved dwarves. So, Flaky, Wordy, Snaughty,  Brashful, Sketchy, Newbie and Squawk - it goes without saying that you will also be required to find me my Prince Charming.  I will be sure to get you a list of requirements.  Wait. That's the obamacare regulations....this one.  It's only ONE trillion pages.  You will be expected to spend at least 75 percent of your time in search of my perfect man.  Of course, the dwarf who finds him will win my undying appreciation.  I'll allow him to continue to serve me and give me all his diamonds even AFTER I've moved into the palace.  The lucky little dwarf :)

17 comments:

  1. I bristle at being called a dwarf. I always played a Half-Elven Princess. Anyway, the proper PC term for what I am is Irregular American.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You bristle, my sweet SNAUGHTY? *Pats head* You'll get used to it.

      Delete
  2. Well, over the course of 67 years women, at one time or another have called me just about everything imaginable, but until now, nobody ever called me a dwarf, I'm ok with that, but if some of the people I hang around with ever found out that I was going around looking for Prince Charming, I probably wouldn't live long enough to explain why. Also, nobody told me about this 'diamond' thing......

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oops. Nevermind about the diamond thing. Forget I said anything at ALL about diamonds.

      Finding my Prince Charming , however, is NOT optional. :)

      Delete
  3. Replies
    1. Actually, SQUAWK, I'm not sure you can say that here. We're a family friendly site, you know. How about "Heaven help me"? or "Gee willikers"?

      *Evil grin*

      I knew this would bug you.

      I'm the teensiest bit sorry.

      But I'm over it now. :)

      Delete
  4. This is what happens when you let womenfolk into the Boys' Club. Next thing you know she is gonna be dousing our cigars and putting up flowers and knick knacks and little porcelain pigs she ordered from the Parade magazine that come with certificates of authentication. Then she'll be putting up window dressings with rods that look like Star Trek accessories. Burping will be forbidden, and we won't be able to talk unless we are holding the sharing stick. Mass hysteria.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. re: "the people I hang around with"....if one of them showed up with a "sharing stick" you could be sure that it had a sword inside.

      Delete
    2. *Grabs the sharing stick*
      This is EXACTLY what happens. Offwhite....be GONE!!!!!!!
      *POOF!*
      I love my job. :)

      Delete
  5. Well, after a major crash, my magic Etch-a-Sketch® is finally running again, so I may have some fresh heck for y'all pretty soon.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. SKETCHY, we're so glad your Etch-a-Sketch® is working! Now about those illustrations to find me a Prince Charming....

      Delete
  6. You're too kind.

    If I'd had to make up my own dwarf name, I likely would have ended up Dumpy.

    Or Angry.

    Or Lazy.

    But not Tipsy. Not anymore.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your name did require a lot of thought. I considered Friendly, Witty, Savvy and Karaoke =)

      Delete
    2. Oh, also Filthy, but that's as much for my housekeeping skills as for my, well, filthy mind.

      Delete
  7. Hey, wait a minute Anonymiss. You are the only one of us who possesses a dwarflike stature......

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ok fine. You can name me. Who should I be?

      Delete
  8. I'm not flaky... I'm writers blockey. trust me I want to write, but I just don't have political funny in me these days.

    ReplyDelete