Monday, September 9, 2013

A Whole New Me

I think it's time to come clean. Or is that come out?
With all the talk lately about gender identity and gender preference, and how we have to accept that our identities as male and female are based less on our genetic factors and more on what we PERCEIVE our genders to be, I have an startling confession to make. Or maybe not so startling.

Bear in mind that I also have body image dismorphic disorder, the idea that, in America, you can grow up to be anything you want to be, and that you're only as old as you feel, and I will admit to you that I've decided I will no longer be a fat old white guy from Ohio, but a svelte young black lesbian whose parents brought her here illegally from Mexico at the age of six.

I would humbly request you respect my new identity preferences, but since I will now likely be voting liberal, as mandated by my race, gender and sexual preference, I will instead arrogantly demand you not only respect and tolerate me, but accept and approve of my new lifestyle.

I will keep you informed of the difficulties of being a svelte young black lesbian undocumented worker in this racist nation of AmeriKKKa as I encounter them.

Sincerely,

Shaniqua LaToya Ramirez

P.S. And, NO, walkingdead, you may NOT touch my boobs.

P.P.S. NO MEANS NO!

P.P.P.S. (maybe at New Years, if you ask nicely...)

8 comments:

  1. Well, now our suspicions can all be laid to rest.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm cool widdat.

    anagrammatically yours,
    Lindy R. Dole.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Acceptance is good. Approval is better...

      Delete
  3. If I ever got in touch with my feminine side I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to stop touching it.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'd just jump rope naked in front of a mirror for hours...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm gonna apply at the local strip club.

      Delete