Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Nuke the Punchline - Can't Afford Reminders

Harvey over at IMAO has posted a new straight line of the day, so it is time to choose the winners of the last one:

On furlough – the official Senate clock-winder. Also on furlough…

#5 Dohtimes: …the entire "Department of Changing a’s and A’s to o’s and O’s For Senators Who Can’t Remember When It’s Capital or Capitol". The cue card waivers on the steps will remain open for the MSM
#4 Maverick:… the Assistant Senate Clockwinder and his entire staff.

#3 Burt:…that person in charge of picking up the candy wrappers around Senator Mark Kirk’s (R, IL) desk.

#2 Bob B.: …Harry Reid’s personal mortician.

And my favorite straight line of the day was from JeffersonFan:

On furlough – the official Senate clock-winder. Also on furlough…The guy who whispers into the emperor’s ear: “You are mortal.”

 Cookies to JeffersonFan!
and today's best kiss uppers were walruskkkch, Jimmy and Harvey:

On furlough – the official Senate clock-winder. Also on furlough…

walruskkkch:...the Official Cookie taster.

...the guy who tries to win those fabulous kiss up cookies made by Anonymiss. [Wait. Walrus? You're on furlough? :) ]

The following weren't straight line responses, just kiss ups:
Jimmy: Her virtual cookies are magically delicious!
I bet she has a cookie gun.

I heard she has a magical mixing machine that holds like 50 tons of dough and she just wiggles her fingers at it and everything comes out mixed perfectly.

Probably has some magical device that makes all her cookies exactly the same size so that no one ever has to get a “small” cookie.

Bet her cookies don’t even stick to her baking sheets. Just pop right off.

And they’re always perfectly golden brown and never burnt.

Of course, all that could be just an old campfire legend, but why take chances?

The woman’s got POWERS, I tells ya! [I'm still trying to figure out how Harvey *knows* all my secrets]

Kiss up cookies to walruskkkch, 
Jimmy and Harvey!

My favorite lines from yesterday:

For $99 a DNA company will tell you what will kill you. For $100...

#3 Dohtimes:...it will reveal that DNA stands for Don't Annoy Anonymiss. [Silly Spelling but Sweet Sentiment...Kiss up cookies to Dohtimes!]

#2 Bob in Feenicks:...they'll tell you what makes you stronger.

and my favorite line was from Bob B.:

For $99 a DNA company will tell you what will kill you. For $100...they will keep that information from your spouse.

Cookies to Bob B. and 
Kiss up Cookies to Bob B. and Dohtimes!
Kiss up cookies to Bob B. for his line: For $99 a DNA company will tell you what will kill you. For $100...they will put the antidote in a cookie.


Here's a new line for you to try:

Assad thinks the Nobel Peace Prize should have gone to him. Other global injustices in need of correction...


  1. ...that poor Mr. Putin, who apparently doesn't own a single shirt.

  2. Walrus...Cookies, 'nuf ced.

  3. ... the great Irish cookie famine.

  4. ... the fact that NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition.

  5. ... Jimmy Carter.

  6. ... "Firefly" being canceled.

    1. That injustice is more intergalactic than global in scope - Browncoats forever!

  7. ...that Miley Cyrus hasn't yet garnered a lifetime achievement award for her many meaningful contributions to the world.

    ...that Somalia hasn't been awarded a summer Olympics.

  8. ... can of spam clogging up the comments section.

  9. ...that Science! can't find a way to breed giant Chihuahuas or fat Greyhounds so all they are good for are snacks.

    ...there are only four door nails that look deader than Bill Clinton but they are all dead.

  10. ...that there is no crying in baseball.

    ...that walruskkkch has cornered the cookie market.

  11. ...Joe Biden not being admitted into Mensa.

    ...Janet Napolitano not getting to be a Playboy centerfold.

  12. Obama needs credit for his song, "I don't want to work, I just want to bang on the drum all day."