Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Nuke the Punchline - The Emperor's New Phone

Harvey over at IMAO has posted a new straight line of the day, so it is time to choose the winners of the last one:

If the NSA Spied on Obama’s Phone, They’d Discover…

AP Photo
#5 Steve H: … he mostly uses it to play Candy Crush and watch Powerpuff Girls on Netflix.

#4 RAML: ...He took a number of online IQ tests. His avg. was 70.

#3 Jimmy:…that he suggested Verizon replace “Can you hear me now?” with “Let me be clear.” – but they told him to buzz off.

#2 walruskkkch:  he really IS just phoning it in.

And my favorite straight line of the day was from blarg:

If the NSA Spied on Obama’s Phone, They’d Discover…those aren’t nude selfies – he thinks he’s wearing clothes that only smart people can see!

 Cookies to blarg!

and today's best kiss uppers were walruskkkch and James:

If the NSA Spied on Obama’s Phone, They’d Discover…

walruskkkch:. . .the man is simply Jonesing for some Anonymiss cookies. [Huh! He'd best stop whining and submit some funny straight lines :)]

James:. . . that he has a secret love on speed dial for when Moosh isn’t watching, but Anonymiss has his number blocked [Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! ]

Kiss up Cookies to
walruskkkch and James!

My favorite line from yesterday was from Bob in Feenicks:

President Obama says "I want to put the fear of God in all of you" by...letting Biden play with the nuclear football.

Cookies to Bob in Feenicks!

Here's a new line for you to try:

When she heard that a new laser technique can zap away Alzheimer's and Parkinson's, Kathleen Sebelius...


  1. ...directed her Geek Squad to see how the lasers worked on fixing website glitches.

  2. ... did everything in her power to ensure that no one will ever be able to afford to use it.

    ... told them to go away and come back when they had something that could zap away any form of dissent or common sense.

  3. Pointed a shaking finger at the camera and totally forgot what she had to say.

  4. ...denied herself access as we wanted to forget about the shaky healthcare web site.

  5. ..asked if it had a "republican" setting

  6. ...blanched when she read the actuarial projections, then had HHS SWAT round up anyone who had anything to do with developing the process and locked them all up in re-education camps for the duration.

  7. ...asked if there would be complete vaporization, or if they still needed to dispose of the bodies.