Monday, February 9, 2015

Strategic Patience Explained

So. We finally got to hear Obama's brand new foreign policy strategy. You know, the one that's supposed to replace Don't Do Stupid [Stuff] (DDSS). Turns out it's Strategic Patience, which in practical terms translates into something like DDASAA (Don't Do Any Stuff At All). This would be a marked improvement over what the current strategy appears to be, which is ATSWDISS (All The Stuff We Do Is Stupid Stuff).


In theory, Strategic Patience works like this: Obama will sit on his throne in Washington and watch over all the world, sort of like God, observing everything that's going on in the world, and allowing things to develop according to the free will of the actors involved. On occasion, he might give a nudge or a push where action is needed to ensure the plan goes as desired.


But, we don't live in a world of theory, we live in a world of flesh and blood and life and death and violence. And we call this world "Reality."
In Reality, Strategic Patience will work like this: Obama will sit on his throne in Washington and watch over all the world, sort of like a geek on his computer in his mom's basement, observing everything that Valerie Jarret deems suitable to spoon feed to him, and allowing things to develop according to whatever the polls at the moment, and his own fantasy world view deem proper. On occasion, he might give a nudge or a push where action is required to make sure his political power doesn't ebb too far, too fast.


Strategic Patience has been the dominant policy of this administration since day one: Just ask Ambassador Stevens.


So, where decisiveness is required, we will be told we need to let things develop. Where action is required, we will be told to "sit tight." Where bold thought is requiring, we will see more of the visionary perspicacity that called ISIS the "JayVee Team."


Strategic Patience, in essence, means "Let it go until it works itself out or until there's no choice left BUT to act." In lieu of action, we'll get amazing #hashtag campaigns design to make it look like our leaders care and are doing something, a la #BringBackOurGirls. That sure worked, eh?


So, we will sit and watch as Europe burns, ISIS marches us toward Armageddon, Sharia works its wicked way into our laws, Africa devolves into a festering pit of blood and disease and bloodborne disease, Putin's Russia reestablishes the Soviet Union and brings in new partners like Iran and Venezuela, and China slowly communizes the rest of Asia. And all this while we [expletive deleted] our allies in the [expletive deleted][expletive deleted] and give those who wish us harm great big [expletive deleted] sloppy, wet [expletive deleted]expletive deleted] on the [expletive dleted][expletive deleted].


And that just ain't right.


So, to sum: Strategic Patience isn't a switch to a new policy or strategy, it's just a new name for the same old garbage the same old idiots have been giving us for the past six years.


Meet the new Barry, same as the old Barry.


Plus ├ža change...

2 comments:

  1. Well done!
    My critique: "sort of like God" - man that slap still stings after all these years. As it should! I like your save, but does Obama really have the chops to qualify as a "geek on his computer in his mom's basement"? Wouldn't that imply some computer skills?

    Finally, while I agree that Obama is worsening things worldwide, and while I like your turn of phrase with "Africa devolves into a festering pit of blood and disease and bloodborne disease", I kinda think Africa was already that way. I see Obama as just making it far harder to deal with festering pits of blood and disease and bloodborne disease. Nit-picking, I realize.

    5 Stars.

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    Replies
    1. You don't need to have computer skills to use a computer, really. Even with limited skills, it's easy to sit and troll someone from mom's basement.

      And though geek may SEEM to imply some sort of computer skills, it really doesn't: A geek nowadays mostly implies someone with crazy skills and knowledge in one particular area of expertise, like Star Trek, or Heavy Metal.

      Obviously, he's a total geek (or maybe King Geek) in the field of being a [expletive deleted]ing jack[expletive deleted.

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