Optimist: "The glass is half full".
Pessimist: "The glass is half empty"
Liberal: "What's in the glass is unfairly distributed".
Al Gore: "What's in the glass will soon overflow and drown everybody if we don't control CO2 now".
Socialist: "Whatever's in the glass belongs to the state anyway, so it's none of your business".
Diane Feinstein: "High capacity glasses, (we refer to them as HCG), lead to alcoholism, which has caused the deaths of millions. HCG need to be banned immediately".
Mainstream media: "The glass is either half full or half empty depending on how it affects Obama's agenda".
John Kerry: "People who can't see that the glass is in fact completely full have one of two problems. Either they are too stupid to grasp the enormous complexities of international diplomacy or they share certain goals with terrorists". That's why matters like this should be left to people like me. I'm super smart, and I'm a war hero to boot".
John Boehner, (Sobbing): There is a way to resolve this that is fair to all sides. I will confer with my colleagues, and, if it's okay with Obama, we'll vote on it.
Nancy Pelosi: "We'll just have to drink what's in the glass to find out what's in it".
Obama: "If you like what's in the glass, you can keep what's in the glass".
ISIS dude: "Allah willing, soon all the glasses in your evil country will overflow with the blood of infidels. There will be wailing and gnashing of teeth throughout your empire, and as your infidel head strikes the ground, with your last dying thought you will understand that the question has no meaning".
Iran dude: "Who cares?. Death to America."
Transgender dude (person?): "You see? This is the problem. The notion that the glass can only have 1 of 2 possible states completely ignores the glass's feelings. Suppose the glass was born half full but self identifies as half empty? Who are you to dictate how the glass should view itself? Suppose the glass self identifies as a teapot? What then, you sexist bigot?"
Al Sharpton: Clearly we have a situation where both halves of the glass should be filled, and I think we can all see which half of the glass white people think belongs to them. This kind of mindless bigotry must end. Now go burn something down."
Hillary Clinton: "Whether the glass is half full or half empty depends on a number of factors, all of which I addressed during my tenure as Secretary of State, and throughout my career as a public servant. Of course, the ultimate answer to the question has to be measured in light of the efforts of Republicans to diminish the people's awareness of the matter. When you are subjected to the kind of constant barrage of attacks that are largely fomented by and coming from the right –.” She added, “I can only tell you that my efforts to resolve the matter of glass fullness have been forthright, and have always been in the best interests of the middle class and women's rights. Since I was confirmed and served as sec/state, my tireless efforts in this matter have been very effective and are on the record. As President, I will continue to work to bring a full resolution to this question. I think it’s understandable that when questions are raised, people maybe are thinking about them, and wondering about them, but I have every confidence that during the course of this campaign people are going to know who will fight for them, who will be there when they need them, and that’s the kind of person I am, and that’s what I will do, not only in a campaign, but as president.” This has been a theme that has been used against me and my husband for many, many years. And at the end of the day, I think voters will sort it all out. I have great confidence. I trust the American voter, so I trust the American voter 100%, because I think the American voter will weigh these kinds of accusations. I mean, you know, people write books filled with unsubstantiated attacks against us, and even admit they have no evidence. But, of course, it’s your job to cover it. so of course, that’s going to raise questions in people’s minds, but during the course of this campaign, just as in my two prior campaigns, and in my other years of service, I have a lot of confidence that the American people can sort it all out.”
Cross posted at springer's blog
Cross posted at springer's blog