Now that the former governor of New Mexico, Gary Johnson, has been nominated for President by the Libertarian Party, I feel it would be in order for me, as your humble correspondent, to make a few promises regarding his campaign:
I will not say that Johnson, as the Libertarian candidate, has a long, hard road to the presidency.
I will not compare the size of his hands to those of the presumptive Republican nominee, Donald Trump. I just don't think a Trump-Johnson measuring contest would be productive or appropriate.
Should his campaign falter and his polls go down, I will not refer to his support as "limp" or "flaccid."
Nor will I, describe him as offering stiff competition to the major party candidates.
Needless to say, should he decide to drop out of the race prior to the election, describe this decision as "premature evacuation." Of course, I don't expect him to pull out early, he's in it till completion.
I think these things would be too easy and obvious, and beneath both me as a writer, and you as a reader.
So, let's just sit back, relax, and see this election through to the exciting climax.